The Big 2-4 and our March Update

Quick Family Update:

• Derek has been working so hard at his new job and is really enjoying it so far! 
• I have been hard at work preparing "every needful [and not so needful] thing" for the baby. I am 32 weeks and 4 days TODAY!
• Nursery is coming together... stay tuned for the reveal!
• Derek has been having a lot of GI tract issues recently, so please continue to keep him in your prayers. I think the change of environment, the stress of our growing family, and working 10 hour days at a desk job has really caused some problems for him, but it is making him quite anxious. Poor guy. 
• Derek and I have callings in our new ward! I am the assistant secretary in the Relief Society and Derek is the first counselor in the Sunday School presidency. We were also asked to give talks this Sunday on the atonement. I am pretty excited!
• Derek leaves on his very first business trip soon. To me it all sounds pretty exciting, but he says he would rather be here with me. Isn't that sweet?

Yesterday was the big day- my first appointments at OU Children's Hospital in OKC. I have honestly been dreading this appointment since it was scheduled. Not only was my last appointment one of the worst of my life, I was also not looking forward to a potential heartbreak on my birthday. Yesterday I could barely eat and had such trouble going to sleep because I was so anxious! When I finally did fall asleep I had a horrible dream that the ultrasound showed that the baby's defect was much worse than we thought and that he wouldn't be able to live past birth. As I finally started to realize it was all just a dream, I was both relieved that I got a second chance at the ultrasound as well as terrified that what I might have dreamt was a premonition of what was to come!

I laid awake for about two hours and got up as Derek was getting ready for work. Despite my fears, when my feet hit the floor this morning the words from Elder Busche's talk came to mind -- "Embrace each day with an enthusiastic welcome, no matter how it looks." I decided from that moment that I was going to make this day awesome! I curled my hair, put on some mascara and I was feeling great and ready to go! At this point, I left our master bedroom only to see that my husband had beautifully decorated for my birthday! Cute banners, crepe paper, cake... the whole nine yards. I know he has been so tired working long days recently too, so his sacrifice to make me feel special was even more meaningful. He is my perfect companion.

6 am photo shoot. Derek's decorations look so so cute! He knows what the ladies want.

Derek got in an hour or so at work and then met me at OU for the ultrasound. I don't know why I was so hesitant about transferring over there, this place is like a luxury hotel and everyone is so kind! Our ultrasound technician was super sweet and happily humored us with all of the fun details parents love: pictures of the toes, hands, face (although baby was head down so no 3-D images this time)... she could even see hair in his head! Incredible. Of course we also saw the lesion, which is always a bit of a downer, but even in the sad moments there was just an overwhelming feeling of peace that this was the best place for him to be born and that we would get it all taken care of. For other SB parents who might someday find this and want to compare stories and others who are interested, our son's lesion is like a cystic bubble that measures approximately 6cm in diameter. By Spina Bifida standards, this is really quite large. Thankfully, the size of the protruding defect itself doesn't have any correlation with function, so judging by the location (sacral, believed to be somewhere between S2-S5) as well as how closed his spine really is (no sign of scoliosis and definitely a very small opening in the spine rather than a large gap) he has a great prognosis.

This is the Children's hospital where our little one will be born. It is the biggest hospital I have ever been in. 

This is what it looks like on the inside. Lots of comfy sectionals for families to hang out, a cafe on the next floor, and a cool rainbow bubble wall. My appointments yesterday were on the floor below this one.

Here is a picture of the world's cutest baby. I always thought moms just said that about there babies, but I legitimately think he is the cutest baby ever. In this picture he is in the head-down position (upside-down). His luscious lips are on the top left of his face, then a little button nose, and we see his right eye (the left side of his face is in shadow). He also has his little hand up against his chin. He already has so much character and was making cute faces, sticking his tongue out, opening and shutting his hands, and scratching an itch on his chin. 

We also found out that, though he does have increased swelling in the left ventricles from last time, his numbers are actually completely normal on his right side. The perinatologist explained that this had been the case in all of my ultrasounds (although, no one had ever mentioned that before). Unlike my last perinatologist who explained that "everything will just get worse," our doctor explained that at levels like 1.8 cm (1 and under being normal) on the left side, a shunt might not even be necessary. It is still considered enlarged, but apparently it's NOT as bad as we might expect. As far as not getting a shunt, I am taking that with a grain of salt of course, but how nice to have a little hope! In all other ways, our 32 week baby is looking very healthy at approximately 4.5 pounds. His last height measurement was about 17 inches long, but now he is too balled up to get a good estimate on his size. He is moving a lot (including clenching his little toes....THAT MEANS HE CAN FEEL THEM, PEOPLE) and we have a lot of hope for a positive future.

After our ultrasound, I went to meet with my OB (and consequently, a lot of other really smart people who are apart of my team now). She has worked with several spina bifida moms and seemed to know her stuff. She was very kind to me, and I could really see she was making an effort to phrase her words carefully to give me realistic hope about what's to come. One of the major things we discussed today was my birthing options. Both she and other specialists really believe a c-section will be better for baby. The main concerns include my first labor/delivery experience being a total wild card (who knows how awesome I am at having a baby until I do it, right?), possible rupturing and subsequent infection of the lesion on his spine after a vaginal delivery, and the research from 1990 that found that children delivered via c-section perform better than those who do not. I am going to be honest, I hadn't thought a lot about the first two points before our discussion, but I really don't feel super inclined toward a c-section because of a study done in an age when most cases of spina bifida weren't even diagnosed until after birth, which makes a huge difference in how the hospital is prepared for the situation and what surgeons perform the repair. Because of my own beliefs as well as my inclination toward a vaginal delivery, I spent a great deal of time in a "discussion" with these doctors about what really was best. They were really sweet and said that I was awesome for even caring. They also realized it wasn't what I wanted, so they really encouraged me to make my final decisions with the baby's surgeons. I absolutely love everyone I have met and I love that they take the time to discuss their research with me and treat me as a human capable of making smart decisions. Multiple times they encouraged me to just think of this place as "home"....and it's not hard to do! It seems weird, but that hospital has an amazing spirit. These doctors have been given the gift of healing Christ's little ones just as Jesus would if he was on earth today.

Got my flu vaccine and t-dap. Anything for da babaye. It won't really be flu season by the time the baby arrives so Idk how relevant that will be, but I did think that even 60% effectiveness was worth a shot (literally). The t-dap (whooping cough) though is super important. Is it a crazy new mom thing to ask that people who plan on visiting the baby while he is recovering all have their tdap? I just think his little body will be working so hard to recover that I'd hate for him to get exposed to whooping cough on top of it! But if that really seems crazy just lie to me and tell me you went and got it.

In other baby news, my doctors also said that it will be better to schedule an early delivery, around 39 weeks, to try to avoid anything going on unplanned. I will also be meeting with the OU physicians every week to keep an eye on my labor as well as baby's growth. I can't believe that we are looking at about 6 weeks now until he makes his arrival!

I filled the rest of the day with fun and wonderful things. Talked to some family members, sneaked some remnants of cake that Derek leveled off to stack the layers, watched some HGTV, took a wonderful nap, went to a few minutes of a Relief Society activity, and then met up with Derek for our fun celebration! We got gyros for dinner, opened presents (including a fancy sewing machine that I have been eyeing for months...baby crafts await!), and finished the day off with some cake and cuddles. It was just a WONDERFUL birthday!

Oklahoma gets a bad wrap, but I absolutely love it here. I saw this sunset on my way to church today and I had to take a picture!

Grandma Warner made this amazing little hoodie for Baby Askham. The stitch is tons of little tiny loops so it looks like a lamb! I can tell it took hours of careful work and cannot wait to get the little one in it. His great grandma spoils all of us!!!

Blowing out all 24 candles! Almost started a fire! ;)

Both Derek and I love funfetti cake. It tastes delish AND looks so happy. After we are our slices, the baby was so excited and jumped all around. Derek says "He really IS my son!" Hahaha!

After today, I am feeling really positive and excited. As I was eating lunch, I caught myself thinking of how grateful I am for this pefect baby and that I love him just the way he is. I guess normally those sorts of thoughts wouldn't be a big deal, but for me it was the first time I legitimately felt complete peace about our situation and could just bask in the love I have for this little guy. I don't think I will ever love this struggle or the challenges it causes for my son, but I love him so completely that the way I see his birth defect has really changed. He is my little boy, and I love every bit of him. I can't imagine my world without him in it, and I wouldn't take anything back. We prayed so hard for this baby to come to earth, and I am so glad we are pregnant with him. After receiving the diagnosis, I remember feeling like I would be somehow less of a mom and that my "mom" life would never be like everyone else's. In my moment of clarity today I really saw how wrong that thought was. Our child needs a mother, and it is an honor that he somehow thought I was capable for the job. Little baby Askham, we love you and are so excited to meet you!

An important infographic.

Thanks for all the awesome birthday wishes! Sending an added measure of peace and love to each of you as you strive to meet your daily challenges.

Greetings from Oklahoma City!

The past two weeks have been a complete whirlwind! I feel reminded of the scripture from first Nephi, where Nephi explains that he writes about his life to "show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith..." We have seen so many tender mercies throughout these past few weeks that really confirmed to me that the Holy Ghost was directing us and that we were on the path that most pleased our Heavenly Father. 

Leaving everything we have known in the midst of our greatest trial yet is a terrifying prospect, especially when I knew it would also be hard for our loved ones to send us off. I spent a great deal of my time just before the move silently reflecting on our decision to move to OKC and praying for guidance on the matter in light of our recent news about Baby Askham. In one of these moments, the scripture from 2 Timothy 1:7 clearly came to me. "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, of love, and of a sound mind." What a great reminder that fear doesn't come from Heavenly Father, but from the adversary (who wants us to be miserable!). When I get afraid, I just recite this scripture over and over in my mind and think about the choices I get to make (power) rather than the challenges that are forced upon me (fear). I think we are far more powerful than we realize. 

The days before the move:
After returning home from visiting my family for Christmas, we had a few days to get organized and finalize arrangements with Derek's work for the move. We had a wonderful time getting in last minute visits to our family in Pullman and our wonderful friends who have been so supportive. One wonderful surprise was the beautiful heirloom cradle Derek's grandpa gifted to us. He made it for his own children and now passed it on to us for our little one. 

The night before the movers came, I shed a few tears about leaving our wonderful little apartment, and then braced for the chaos of the next day.

Our last snuggle in our first place!

The movers took about four hours to pack everything and get it in the truck. Not only did they pack more quickly than I ever could have, they also insisted that I not even lift anything... long story short, I told Derek that I am never moving myself again... we need movers from here on out! ;) 

Arriving in OKC:
I know some people might think this is asking for trouble, but I had just been praying and praying that things would go smoothly during our move. I was feeling as though I had absolutely reached my emotional limit and I just couldn't bear any more stress. I feel so blessed because that prayer was absolutely granted, our plane flights from Pullman to Seattle to OKC went off without a hitch (which is a lot coming from two fearful fliers), nothing was wrong with our luggage, we were able to get our rental car in less than five minutes, and our hotel was fabulous. 

Sweet ride!

We took a day to rest up at the Residence Inn before setting out on some apartment hunting. We scoured the internet for some apartments that would work and ended up visiting the two top contenders. One of them (in Yukon, OK about 15 minutes from Derek's work) absolutely blew us away and we signed the lease a few days later. I would love to show off the new space a little, but I will save that for another post! 

The other apartment we had believed to be a "strong contender" ended up being absolutely terrifying. The second us two little white kids got out of the car, all these big black guys came out on to their porches to stare at us (needless to say, we don't fit in in the city very well...). I was pretty sure that we were about to be mugged, possibly during this apartment complex tour. The whole place was pretty terrifying (broken glass, slashed tires, questionable stains), and despite the "gated community", I was pretty sure I was more scared of the people inside the complex than out of it! When we got back into the car, Derek and I just looked at each other, shook our heads, and got the heck out of there!

About a block away from this apartment complex, I spotted a 7-11. I had silently been craving the most horrific pile of 7-11 nachos and a slurpee for about 3 weeks (no 7-11s in Pullman!) and when I saw this one, I just knew it was time! I told Derek that we HAD to go inside so I could get my nachos and he said that it seemed too scary (questionable activity going on between cars, people loitering and staring at us, a broken bumper in the middle of the road...). I teased him for being afraid (thinking I have been to scaryish 7-11s before!) and told him that we simply had to go inside. He laughed nervously but started to pull in anyways. Just then, a guy in all black pulled this black hoodie over his face and walked in the store (hello, Subway knife-weilding robber flash back?!) I told Derek I changed my mind and we got out of there as fast as we freakin' could! I almost peed myself from laughing so hard (which is easier when pregnant, but I digress). 

Adventures in Oklahoma:
Aside from almost getting shot on every corner of the city, we have enjoyed exploring our new home! Here are some pictures of our antics:

Does Hobby Lobby become less amazing when you have access to it all the time? I am not sure. I had so much fun looking at all the goodies and Derek pretended to smile for the picture.

Derek's Mom, Lisa, asked that I keep an eye out for fabrics I liked so she could sew some sheets for our cradle. I think I have decided I wanted some plain pastel colors for the sheets, but I happened to see this cute nursery rhyme fabric and had to take a pic. I might need to make a few pillows for the nursery out of this!

Our trip to Whataburger! I can see why people are fatter here, there is seriously amazing food on every corner! I was doubtful, but I loved it.

Out near the older part of Yukon is some pretty cool looking old stuff. I took this picture while Derek was driving. I love the lit "Yukon Mills" sign at the very top!

We don't have a washer and dryer for our apartment yet, so today we took an adventure to the laundromat. Do you have any idea how much more enjoyable laundry is when you have a nice place to sit and a huge table to fold on? No hunching necessary! Plus, it only took like $6 and you can get it all done in an hour (multiple loads at once!). Our goal is to purchase our washer and dryer before the baby comes, because with a set up like this, I am in no rush!

Family Updates:
One of our greatest updates is that my sister Hillary just had her beautiful baby, Henry Joseph, today! He is so cute and she looks amazing in all the pictures. Best of all they are both happy and healthy! Older brother Daniel is so excited to meet Henry. For all the trouble they will surely get into, I also know they will be the best of friends! Our baby is lucky to have two awesome cousins to show him the ropes! 

Our beautiful baby boy is getting bigger and bigger! His kicks are so strong that sometimes I scream out of surprise! It's really nice to have him as my little companion (even if it feels a little like I am hosting a parasite). I keep thinking of that sad quote from The Office where Michael Scott says something like "Someday I want to have 100 kids so I can have 100 friends." I just want to have ALL DA BABIES. I sort of hope that feeling goes away once the exhaustion of parenthood kicks in, otherwise this place is going to start feeling crowded. Luckily, third trimester is around the corner and I am pretty sure everyone hates the thought of another pregnancy then. 

Derek and I have been so grateful for the countless prayers, fasts, thoughts, and positivity sent our way. In a way I don't quite understand, we have seen how they have sustained us and given us strength through this hardship. I actually felt funny about calling our diagnosis of spina bifida our "greatest trial yet" at the beginning of this post because I feel like it has been......easy? That is so wrong to say, because it really has been hard, but I feel like this is a testimony of the amazing miracle that is the atonement. I don't believe there is any greater version of Hell for a mother than the thought of something happening to her baby. But through prayer, study, love, faith, and miracles, Derek and I have been blessed with the strength necessary to greet these challenges. Through Christ, we can all find rest from our heaviest burdens. 

My hands-down, go-to favorite scripture is in Alma 26, where Ammon preaches of the glory of God. He says:

11... But behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God.

 12 Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I willboast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever.

 13 Behold, how many thousands of our brethren has he loosed from the pains of hell; and they are brought tosing redeeming love, and this because of the power of his word which is in us, therefore have we not great reason to rejoice?

 14 Yea, we have reason to praise him forever, for he is the Most High God, and has loosed our brethren from the chains of hell.

 15 Yea, they were encircled about with everlasting darkness and destruction; but behold, he has brought them into his everlastinglight, yea, into everlasting salvation; and they are encircled about with the matchless bounty of his love

Whether we are referring to "chains of hell" brought on through our own choices or trials that are thrusted upon us, we can be brought to sing redeeming love.

Last time I posted, I discussed our options for surgery for our son. We found out after some detailed scans that our child's lesion is likely between S3-S5 (the lowest bones of the sacrum), giving him the best possible prognosis (likely no paralysis, but still with the possible need for a shunt and likely bladder issues). Because of this prognosis, we are not qualified for fetal surgery. Instead, baby will have surgery within a few hours of birth and will be in the NICU for a week or so (possibly more if doctors decide he needs a shunt). I said in the first post that I would be grateful for whatever option is given to us, and I am striving to be okay with having this out of my control. The greatest blessing I see from this is that Derek and I get to be together throughout our pregnancy, he will definitely be there for the birth, and that we have several months now to choose the doctors we feel will care best for our baby. There is a lot of scary stuff still to come, so we definitely appreciate your continued prayers.

In one blessing I received after hearing the diagnosis, one of the promises I was given was that Derek and I would grow even closer and more in love through this trial. This has been just the most joyous part of all of this! We appreciate each other more, make more time to help each other, we laugh together more, we have become more patient with one another, and when the feelings come and I wake up in the middle of the night to cry a little when I think no one is awake to notice, Derek always is there to quietly stroke my hair till I can fall asleep again. When I found out the diagnosis, I felt as though I would never be happy ever again. How wrong I was! The greatest happiness has come since that moment. I love being with Derek more than words can express, and I am so excited to bring our child home to his loving family. The best is yet to come, come what may and love it!

Internship, Puppy, Birthday, OH MY

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. We are now back safe and sound in our apartment in Pullman, but we are still reeling from our whirlwind Summer. We enjoyed our time in the Tri-Cities so much. The area is actually quite pretty, the weather is hot (but bearable with AC), and there is PLENTY to do. Every once in a while I still find myself thinking about restaurants I want to go to or places I want to see, forgetting I am back in Pullman.

Internship:

We were really blessed to be given the opportunity to work jobs that were within our interests, and also gain a lot of skills while there. While I was working at a tutoring center, I learned that I just loved to help kids learn to read. I also learned I am not quite as bad at math as I once thought. It was hard to leave that job but I know Derek finishing his education and tying all the bows on our work here in Pullman is for the best.

Watching Derek's experience over the Summer has truly been unforgettable. It has been really fun to watch Derek find his niche and see the how he comes alive when he is where he needs to be. He put countless hours into studying, discussing, pondering, and reading up on various tools, coding languages, and software to really maximize his experience at PNNL. Within only a few short weeks, he became one of the few interns to receive his Splunk certification (which is a real thing, I promise), and demonstrated his ability to problem solve issues in a real-life scenario. Watching him work has really strengthened my trust in him. For a control freak like me who suffers from the conflicting feeling of wanting to go out and do everything for myself, while also wanting to someday be a stay-out-home mom with my future kids, it has put my mind at ease to know that I can hand over the reins and know that my family will be well taken care of. Now whether or not that has cured me of my control-freakness is yet to be seen, but hey, acknowledgement is the first step.

Puppy:

Unfortunately, not all of our experiences were completely pleasant. While work was great, things in our temporary home were not always easy. Wrapped up in this whole thing was little Rizzo, a seven month old chihuahua mix (possibly a Fox Terrier, a mix known as "taco terrier"). Rizzo had just been rehomed at the end of July. It is believed her previous owners adopted her from a shelter, but they gave her up because they felt she was untrainable. The family whom we were living with took Rizzo in, but after just a day or two, it was clear they were not caring for her in the way she needed. With several little children, Rizzo nipped the youngest baby (likely out of either nervousness or playfulness) and sent the dad into a terrible rage. Not only was I scared for myself, but I was most certainly scared for little Rizzo who was receiving horrible punishment. About half an hour later I went to find Rizzo. I couldn't leave her there. Derek was nice enough to allow us to take her home with us to Pullman for the weekend. While there, we decided that it would be best if Rizzo didn't go back to Kennewick. When it came time for us to go back to the tri-cities for work, Derek's parents were nice enough to take her in to puppy-sit her.

For weeks I prayed with sincere intent that we would know what to do with Rizzo. She was sweet, and (despite what her previous owners said) the smartest, most well trained dog I think I have ever seen. I wanted her for myself, but I knew that this probably wasn't the best long-term decision. Upon our return to Pullman, Derek's parents asked if they might be able to keep her. She had already formed a bond with their dogs as well as Derek's parents, and they were all quite lonely when we had taken her away for the weekend! Just yesterday the deal was sealed, and Rizzo was officially adopted by Derek's parents. A part of me is sad not to have a little doggy in the house, but I am also so glad that Rizzo is now in a forever home that can take care of her and love her as she really deserves. 

Birthday:

At the conclusion of our internship experience, we planned a fun birthday trip for Derek! He turned 25!!! WOOHOO! We had planned to spend the weekend visiting my parents in the Seattle area. Little did Derek know, I had actually bought Seahawks tickets for the pre-season game on Friday, August 14th (his birthday!). My parents had a whole Seahawks party waiting for us, and Derek as SO shocked to learn what his birthday surprise was!

On the day of the game, we took a bus to downtown Seattle and then walked to the Stadium. Even in the downpour, all the other 12s were so excited to see our hawks! We were lucky enough to be one of the few sections that was covered from the rain, AND we had a great view! Even though the Seahawks couldn't quite pull it off (20-22), we had so much fun. We came home with full tummies, sore voices, and great memories! I am really excited for the season to start!

On to our next adventure!

Best of Friends

June is finally here! With the change of the month has come one big change of our own:

After a long LONG search, Derek and I accepted an internship at Pacific Northwest National Laboratories in Richland, Washington. For the past eight or so months, Derek has been dutifully searching for a Summer internship to complement his major in Management Information Systems. As a matter of fact, he was looking for so long that it seems pretty sad to try to boil it down into one paragraph! We looked at several companies, and Derek had a fair share of interviews, phone calls, and ended up with a few options still on the table at the end of April. While we had brief love affairs imagining our lives at these different companies, PNNL really felt right from the beginning. Those feelings were cemented when they made us a fantastic offer and we accepted later that week.

Since being here in the Tri-Cities, we have been reminded time and time again that this is EXACTLY where we need to be. Derek is learning so much about programming and working with "big data", and I am having so much fun watching him learn and be so excited about what he has been doing! He is making friends with those he works with, networking with nationally respected developers, gaining certifications for programming, and getting hands-on experience problem-solving and developing original content for a huge company. He has just come alive and is really soaking it all in! At a recent meeting they had with their mentor, Derek learned that about 280 people applied for the position from  over 90 different universities, and only 10 were selected. Derek is one of those 10! I am so so proud of him and his hard work, and I am glad he is finally getting the opportunities  I feel his hard work deserves.

I feel like a little bragging is in order here, because I know Derek won't do it! Prior to Derek's mission he had really struggled in school. His mom was in desperate need of a kidney and pancreas transplant in order to save her life, his brother was having troubles emotionally, and his dad was away from the home. During this period of extreme emotional and financial stress, Derek completed his two year mission, came back home and got back to work immediately. Since then, Derek has now brought up his GPA significantly and will graduate Cum Laude (way to go!) in December, will have IT and development experience working in several great companies, and will be fantastically suited to join the labor force with the support of his family (who is now reunited and healthy!). It is one thing to be good academically from day one, but it is quite another to make such a journey to academic success. He has worked SO hard!!!

In other news, our two year anniversary is coming up and I just can't believe it! July 19th will mark two years of marriage for us, and I have got to say, year two was even better than the first! Though we have always been close, I feel like we have really just become absolute best friends this past year. We have started to learn more about ourselves to help us work better together, and we just have fun every day! It really is just so much fun being together, laughing together, and preparing for our future together. I am so lucky to have such a kind and warm-hearted companion to go through eternity with. He is just the bomb! I feel like we have been together forever, and just can't imagine my life without him. I love that he takes me on all of his adventures and he lets me drag him along all of my spontaneous projects.

Life in the Tri-Cities has been so fun together! All of our dating and married lives we have lived in Pullman. While it has been great for some reasons, Pullman is seriously lacking in the "fun" department. We have grown so used to making our own fun (like walking through walmart or making a dessert together) that it's now really exciting to have so many shops, malls, parks, and more ALL AROUND US! Last night as we were driving to the grocery store, I accidentally had Derek take a wrong turn and we ended up passing the September 11th Memorial (a remnant of the twin towers) so I was pointing it out to him and he said "You Pulsipher girls always bloom where your planted...As soon as you get somewhere your all trying to find out the history and going on drives to see where roads connect and stuff." I guess I thought it was a normal thing to do (epecially when I don't have much else to do), but I know my mom and sister do the same thing too!

In addition, I have also been lucky enough to get a job as a teacher at Sylvan Learning Center, which has been great, AND I have had a lot of free time to take adventures to various places around the tri-cities. My favorite daily adventure I have had before work is to go to the temple grounds and read my scriptures. Before we left for the Summer, our Stake President in Pullman challenged our ward to read the Book Of Mormon in three months. Derek and I are both set on completing the challenge, and I have already had such a wonderful experience reading the Book of Mormon outside in the sunshine next to all the flowers at the temple. I feel really blessed to be able to take an hour out of my day for spiritual "me" time, which is something I have felt I haven't had the chance to do in a while.

I feel like the Book Of Mormon challenge couldn't have come at a better time, as recently there have been a lot of sad tragedies in the news that have touched my life. First there was the death of 16 year old Maylee Anderson, who passed away after succumbing to injuries sustained from a car accident on Memorial Day. While I never knew her, several facebook friends were familiar with the family and I began following her story earlier in the week. Then late that night I heard of the passing of sweet Natalie Barnard, who was serving as a missionary in Atlanta, Georgia when she was in a terrible car accident. Her family moved to Snoqualmie when I was in high school and I attended seminary with her older sister, and was familiar (and had many younger friends who were very close) with Natalie and her beaming personality. The following day, Elder L. Tom Perry passed away from cancer, which had very recently been diagnosed and progressed like "wildfire". I know for each one of these stories there is someone far closer than I was who are affected by them, but it has really struck a chord with my heart. I am grateful for the Book of Mormon that has really taught me the reality of those who come before us, as well as those who come after. I think it is very natural to be scared of the unknown that accompanies death, but I have recently been reminded of the simple words of a favorite hymn:

"O may Thy house be my abode,
And all my work be praise.
There would I find a settled rest,
While others go and come;
No more a stranger, nor a guest,
But like a child at home."

In order to make God's house our home, we need to acquaint ourselves with it. Allow ourselves to be comfortable in the temple and on its grounds. As I have attended the temple more regularly and made reading the scriptures and spending time there a habit, I have found that my soul can really relax and feel at peace there, and I love it! When we think of our lives in an eternal perspective, all of our little doubts simply do not matter. There are somethings we may never fully understand in this life, BUT what we do know is that (1) we have a Heavenly Father who loves us; (2) We were spirits who learned, loved, and socialized before we were born; (3) We jumped for joy at the opportunity to come to earth, gain bodies, and have mortal experiences; (4), When we leave mortality, we are welcomed by family and friends (some who we knew on earth and some we didn't) to a beautiful world or realm where we learn more about the gospel, teach and serve others; (5) We also know that we will be reunited with our loved ones, we will be resurrected, we will be judged by Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, and the righteous will then inherit all that God has. I find that when I focus on the Plan of Salvation, all these other little things don't seem to matter much. I am grateful for the testimony of these things that I have been given as I study the Book of Mormon and other aspects of Gospel Doctrine. 

Our time as a "stranger" or "guest" is in fact more descriptive of our earth life than our spiritual life. Our true home was never meant to be in this fallen world... We have a far greater destiny ahead!

Substitute Survival Guide

Since I last updated:

• I have completed my student teaching, received my degree and teaching certificate, suffered unemployment anxiety, and I am currently working as a substitute in one of the local school districts
• Derek has completed his semester with flying colors, started a new job as an intern at Schweitzer, and began his new semester at WSU
• We have celebrated another wonderful Christmas together, visited my family for a couple weeks after Christmas, pulled off a wonderful (and quick!) wedding for Derek's brother and sister-in-law, repainted several pieces of furniture :)

This past week has really been a blur, and in the midst of it all, I have officially started my work within a local school district as a substitute teacher! While I had already subbed in the middle school I was student teaching, subbing in all of these different schools and age groups has been a HUGE learning experience. 

When I walked into my first official sub job at an elementary school, I was feeling super confident. After all, I had already been subbing for a few weeks in other classrooms as an intern....little did I know the little version of heck that awaited me. Within about half an hour, I had lost all of my confidence. I was embarrassed that my kids were loud, that they were out of their seats, and that they were THROWING THINGS?! WTFRK!? Everything I knew about classroom management and relationship building in the classroom was out the window. When a fellow teacher stopped in during lunch to see how I was doing, we chatted for a bit and then she asked "So, how do you think it's going?"

 I remember thinking if I should answer this question dishonestly and say everything was going fine... but then I remembered what another teacher had told me "There is no room for pride as a new teacher." So after a little bit of silence I smiled and said "I just cannot get them to do ANYTHING! They won't stop talking, they won't sit down, they won't pay attention! I have no idea what to do!"

She laughed at me while I explained all of this and said "This is why I am too old to sub. You are young and have lots of energy, just hang in there."


So I hung right in there. Then I started to have a little fun. I looked at what I was doing as an experiment instead of a perfect science. I wrote down things that might help me in the future. And I complained on social media. Then, the day was done and I got to go home with a wad of money in my pocket (or my bank account?).

After a few days of this I have already learned some awesome things that have enabled me to have a good time. Just in case any of you are interested, I thought I would list them here:

1. Accept that a classroom with a substitute will not be as productive as a normal class day. That very first 5th grade math class I walked into (the one I described above as being a hellish nightmare) was set up for failure from the very beginning, because I pushed for and expected productivity, when I should have promoted a smooth and organized class. I needed to accept that the lesson our teacher had planned was just too long, and the kids too rowdy to get through. Instead of rushing the kids and causing all sorts of complains (and rebellion!), I should have paid attention to the natural pace of the class. 
2. Bring Pencils. The most frequent request I have in almost every class so far is for a pencil. In my own class, I felt like my 13 year olds needed to be self-sufficient in that respect, and I brought that attitude with me as a sub. BIG MISTAKE. These kids don't know me, and are looking to take advantage of any "down" time I give them. If I ask them to ask their peers to borrow a pencil, it will take ten minutes and a LOT of heartache. Now, I have awesome NEON pencils ready, enough for a whole classroom to borrow if need be. It eliminates the time it takes for students to get situated, removes their excuse that they can't do their work, and the neon color makes them easy to spot so I can get them back at the end of the class.
3. For grades K-5, have a simple reward. Every kid on earth wants to be bribed to do a simple something. In a normal teaching environment, if all else fails, you can bribe not with a physical reward, but with something really sappy: respect. As in, "I've noticed that this assignment isn't super interesting to you, but I believe it will help you in the future. Will you do it? For me?" And guess what, that sappy stuff almost always works. BUT as a sub? Not a chance. They don't know me, and some of them don't care to. So instead I have bought a huge pack of stickers. Kids who are on task get a sticker. Suddenly, every kid is on task! Paying $3 for 2000 stickers is certainly worth it to keep my sanity. 
4. Get to know the SECRETARY. The secretary is your gateway to money and friendship. If she hears that someone is sick, she will be the one that calls! So I have learned to ALWAYS return my secretary's calls (even if I can't work the job), and say hello and goodbye to her when I am entering or leaving the school. And guess what, yesterday she left a message that said "Hey cutie! I just had a teacher leave sick, would you come in? I will even pay you for the full day!" Boom!
5. Memorize some filler activities/games. In a normal classroom if there is a little wiggle room after the lesson is over, you might just allow your students to complete an assignment or chat amongst themselves for 5 minutes. As a sub, I have found that this is the WORST idea. I have memorized some dorky little games like "do as I do, not as I say", "The ABC game", "heads up seven up" and other little time fillers. Even the older kids think its fun and it keeps the kids from running around like chickens with their heads cut off.
6. Create a list of things you WISH you had for students to do during free time. "I wish I brought my US State Capitals Flashcards" I thought as I subbed Social Studies yesterday. Just another thing to throw in my sub bag!
7. Radiate love and happiness. I had once heard that, as a sub, you shouldn't try to be liked at all. You should be firm, consistent, and sternly manage the classroom. While I think part of this is true, I just cannot bear to act like these kids do not matter or plan to make NO personal connection with them. While clear consistency should be established, I want both students and staff to feel like I am warm, approachable, and caring. When I recently subbed as a PE teacher for an elementary school, one third grade class walked in the door and they all shouted in their little voices "You look like you are really nice!" and came up and hugged me. I want to be the teacher these little ones think I am! They deserve to come to have a "nice", fair, and caring teacher.
8. Find ways to be true to who you are. Another piece of advice I have heard before was to use whatever discipline techniques the regular teacher uses. While I always stick to school policy, it's the little things that seem more difficult. I have found myself more out-of-sync with the discipline style of male teachers... I think it has more to do with the fact that while they think their techniques are just normal classroom management, their booming voices and larger frames throw intimidation into the mix. I don't believe that I, especially given the point made just above, will ever really intimidate a student. Instead I have chosen to give trouble students a chance to "cool off" (6-12 grade terminology) or "go to time out" (K-5) away from their peers. This usually isolates the problem, but I am still learning here too.
9. Let it go. Enjoy each moment, look for the humor in the absurd, and just LET IT GO!

Sugar, Spice, and Everything Nice

It has been a couple weeks months since I last wrote. Despite my desire to keep a record of our life together, I just have had trouble making it a priority when I have so much going on! So here's a little update for you all!

The Sugar:
-Derek got a new job (in addition to his current job) as an IT manager for some condos here in Pullman. He is such a hard worker and is looking forward to his first day!

-Derek and I paid off our first student loan: 4,371.46 dollars! We are so excited! We are doing the Dave Ramsey plan and we are loving it. Technically, the plan calls for us to pay off our smallest loan first, but we both felt very impressed that this was the one we needed to get rid of. Not only did it have the worst interest rate, it was our largest, and it was also the only one my Dad had cosigned on. I have some more ideas about the loan, but I figured I would save those for another post so we could all get on with our lives ;)

-Honor Cords, Caps, and Gowns OH MY! I graduate in 22 days! Hard to believe that in just 3 weeks I will be walking at my college graduation! Those years go by so fast. They weren't always fun but I did make an effort to work really hard. I have student teaching in the fall at a local middle school, and then I am all certified to begin teaching and substituting! I am graduating with a 3.68 Cum Laude honors, in addition to my Outstanding Senior Award from the history department and my Phi Beta Kappa honor cords. So weird to think this part of my life will soon be over (but at the same time I am so grateful it will be! It's can be really hard!!!)

-We have a nephew!!! Or more importantly, my wonderful sister Hillary and her husband Nick had a beautiful, healthy baby boy. On April 14, 2014, Daniel Pulsipher Steckler came in to the world at 7lbs 3oz, and 19 1/4 inches long. His mommy says that he is "very strong, alert, and loves to check out his surroundings wherever he goes." We are very excited to meet the little guy, but unfortunately we may not be able to for a little bit. For right now, we are enjoying looking at pictures of our sweet little baby.

The Spice:

-A little low on the Vitamin D. Always a rough world for me, particularly in the winter. I hate feeling agitated, tired and depressed, but when my Vit D is low, that's pretty much all I feel. I had a really bad week in early April, but I have been doing fairly well since I increased my Vit. D. dosage. So far I have only had one other rough spot. I hate thinking this is something I will live with for the rest of my life, but I am encouraged by the fact that soon I won't have to live in Pullman. Or Washington for that matter. I always enjoyed sunny days, but I have a greater appreciation for them now more than ever! My dream would be to move to southern Utah or Nevada to get some much needed sunshine. The summer here will do me good, but I am in need of sunshine 365 days of the year! :)

-Saying goodbye to an old friend. In March, we said farewell to our old friend, the Jeep. Derek had inherited a 1994 Jeep Grand Cherokee from his father. We had so many great memories in that car and it was so hard to say goodbye! Unfortunately, there were a lot of issues with the car and repairs to be made so it was smarter financially to sell it at a decent price to someone who thought it was worth all of that! Initially we were going to buy Derek a newer car almost immediately, but sharing a car wasn't at all as hard as we thought. We decided to put a majority of that money towards the loan and continue to save. We are planning on getting another car in July.

Everything Nice:

-Love my husband even more! Saturday is our 9 month anniversary! I can't believe this year is going by so quickly! We just have so much fun together. It was actually pretty exciting because these past few weeks we have made our first BIG decisions together. Selling the car, and paying off the loan. As fun as it is to reach my own goals, it is a million times more fun to work together with someone else I love so much. Making those decisions together has actually given me a lot more confidence to make more big decisions together over the years. Everyone says that the first year of marriage is the hardest, but I don't think there is any way I could possibly agree with that. Derek and I have been blessed beyond belief and we just have a blast together! He is my everything!


Thanks for reading!

A Month of Firsts

Well ladies and gentleman, Derek and I have been officially married for a little over a month now. Boy, how life has changed! This month we:

Took our first road trip as Mr. and Mrs. Askham:
A friend of mine recently got back from his awesome mission. The first week of August, we decided we would take the opportunity to go back to the West-Side (of Washington) before school started to be able to visit with him as well as see my family again! Everything had been so stressful around the wedding, it was great to be able to visit home again now that all of THAT was out of the way. I sure miss my family and my little pup-pup. Secretly Okay, not-so-secretly, I want a little puppy of my own to love and cuddle in all my moments of loneliness. I had a dream that I got a hedgehog and I loved it with everything I had. Awww.

Anyways, it was a great trip. On the way, Derek and I even saw this beautiful sunset!

Celebrated Derek's first birthday as a married man:

The Birthday Breakfast I made for him!

The big 2-3! Derek woke up that morning all depressed because of how old he was. Personally, I think he is doing pretty good for 23. Has a nice apartment, a nice job, and a really cute wife ;) We had a great little party, including a nice night out with the family. I even made a cake (but the pictures are still on Derek's phone, so you will just have to trust me).

I got a new job at Taco Del Mar:
And what a H-U-G-E blessing it has been. Everyone is very nice, I have been given a lot of hours (which is bittersweet, but really nice in general), and I can't complain about the free food! Their mondo burritos (20ounces...thats OVER a pound!) make an awesome...and free...dinner for Derek and I to split. In a college town with 20k other students, I view this job as a huge miracle. God definitely answers prayers!

We began our first semester at school since being married:
Derek is really hittin' the books with his Calculus, Accounting, History, Econ, and Spanish classes. And I am just finishing up my last year at WSU with Teaching and Learning classes, and then Econ 430, History Seminar 469, and History Teaching Seminar 480.

Everyone told us that it would be much harder to go to school once we are married, but I haven't found that to be the case at all! So far, Derek and I are both doing really well. I feel like its a little easier to focus on homework when I know that Derek will always be there, instead of staying with him until midnight and writing a five page paper when I got home, and then getting two hours of sleep. Not that that ever happened. :)

We celebrated our 1-month anniversary:
This happened to fall on the first day of school. I was kinda sad, because Derek works 8-12pm everyday, and then has classes until 4pm. I go to school 9-1pm MWF, and I typically work at 4 and I don't get home until 10:30. Do you realize what that means?! I go like 14 hours without seeing him all the time. It's a little depressing.

Little did I know, while I was busy working, Derek set up a cute little indoor picnic for us. He even baked a mini cake for us! He is so sweet, I love him!

Gave our first talks in the married ward:
Okay, this was actually really funny. Our bishop asked us to speak about marriage. I introduced us, and began by saying "We had been married 5 weeks now....The third week was a little rough, but we persevered and pulled through it. Now that we are experts on marriage, the bishop asked us to come and speak to share with all of you how we have managed to learn everything about marriage and be so successful." It was a crowd favorite.

We really did have a lot of fun. My favorite part about it was that afterwards, so many people came up to us wanting to get to know us. Up until that point, Derek and I really didn't have many friends in the ward. So I was really grateful for the opportunity to share a little about ourselves and make friends in the process.

Derek started his first business:

D.A. Tech Repair is now Pullman's newest business! I am not sure if Derek was aware he was living with a wannabe marketing/graphic design specialist. So far we have made a pretty good team. Derek get's frustrated because I don't understand the tech side of it, and I get frustrated because he doesn't seem to understand the layman's terms side of business. So I guess you could say we have a pretty typical working relationship :P

Really though, Derek is so so smart, and we are already getting his name out there. I wish I wasn't so busy so I could devote more time to local marketing. Even without it, Derek has done so good. I have already had some people in the community ask me if Derek could give basic tech lessons for businesses and business owners, which he is really excited for. Especially because these people offer a bit more money than college students ;)

Speaking of money, Derek also had his first self-employed pay day! Way to go babe!

And Derek started our first fire in our toaster oven:
Boy, we were laughing so hard.

Above is a picture of our beautiful toaster oven (sans fire). Derek was toasting some sandwich bread a little too long, and smoke began pouring out of our toaster oven. We got out the bread and derek threw open the apartment door and started frantically fanning smoke out with a towel. I was trying to take the moment seriously but it was just so funny I couldn't stop laughing at it.

Luckily for us, the only thing damaged was some toast :)


Thanks for reading!