Leaving everything we have known in the midst of our greatest trial yet is a terrifying prospect, especially when I knew it would also be hard for our loved ones to send us off. I spent a great deal of my time just before the move silently reflecting on our decision to move to OKC and praying for guidance on the matter in light of our recent news about Baby Askham. In one of these moments, the scripture from 2 Timothy 1:7 clearly came to me. "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, of love, and of a sound mind." What a great reminder that fear doesn't come from Heavenly Father, but from the adversary (who wants us to be miserable!). When I get afraid, I just recite this scripture over and over in my mind and think about the choices I get to make (power) rather than the challenges that are forced upon me (fear). I think we are far more powerful than we realize.
The days before the move:
After returning home from visiting my family for Christmas, we had a few days to get organized and finalize arrangements with Derek's work for the move. We had a wonderful time getting in last minute visits to our family in Pullman and our wonderful friends who have been so supportive. One wonderful surprise was the beautiful heirloom cradle Derek's grandpa gifted to us. He made it for his own children and now passed it on to us for our little one.
The night before the movers came, I shed a few tears about leaving our wonderful little apartment, and then braced for the chaos of the next day.
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| Our last snuggle in our first place! |
The movers took about four hours to pack everything and get it in the truck. Not only did they pack more quickly than I ever could have, they also insisted that I not even lift anything... long story short, I told Derek that I am never moving myself again... we need movers from here on out! ;)
Arriving in OKC:
I know some people might think this is asking for trouble, but I had just been praying and praying that things would go smoothly during our move. I was feeling as though I had absolutely reached my emotional limit and I just couldn't bear any more stress. I feel so blessed because that prayer was absolutely granted, our plane flights from Pullman to Seattle to OKC went off without a hitch (which is a lot coming from two fearful fliers), nothing was wrong with our luggage, we were able to get our rental car in less than five minutes, and our hotel was fabulous.
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| Sweet ride! |
The other apartment we had believed to be a "strong contender" ended up being absolutely terrifying. The second us two little white kids got out of the car, all these big black guys came out on to their porches to stare at us (needless to say, we don't fit in in the city very well...). I was pretty sure that we were about to be mugged, possibly during this apartment complex tour. The whole place was pretty terrifying (broken glass, slashed tires, questionable stains), and despite the "gated community", I was pretty sure I was more scared of the people inside the complex than out of it! When we got back into the car, Derek and I just looked at each other, shook our heads, and got the heck out of there!
About a block away from this apartment complex, I spotted a 7-11. I had silently been craving the most horrific pile of 7-11 nachos and a slurpee for about 3 weeks (no 7-11s in Pullman!) and when I saw this one, I just knew it was time! I told Derek that we HAD to go inside so I could get my nachos and he said that it seemed too scary (questionable activity going on between cars, people loitering and staring at us, a broken bumper in the middle of the road...). I teased him for being afraid (thinking I have been to scaryish 7-11s before!) and told him that we simply had to go inside. He laughed nervously but started to pull in anyways. Just then, a guy in all black pulled this black hoodie over his face and walked in the store (hello, Subway knife-weilding robber flash back?!) I told Derek I changed my mind and we got out of there as fast as we freakin' could! I almost peed myself from laughing so hard (which is easier when pregnant, but I digress).
Adventures in Oklahoma:
Aside from almost getting shot on every corner of the city, we have enjoyed exploring our new home! Here are some pictures of our antics:
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| Does Hobby Lobby become less amazing when you have access to it all the time? I am not sure. I had so much fun looking at all the goodies and Derek pretended to smile for the picture. |
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| Derek's Mom, Lisa, asked that I keep an eye out for fabrics I liked so she could sew some sheets for our cradle. I think I have decided I wanted some plain pastel colors for the sheets, but I happened to see this cute nursery rhyme fabric and had to take a pic. I might need to make a few pillows for the nursery out of this! |
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| Our trip to Whataburger! I can see why people are fatter here, there is seriously amazing food on every corner! I was doubtful, but I loved it. |
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| Out near the older part of Yukon is some pretty cool looking old stuff. I took this picture while Derek was driving. I love the lit "Yukon Mills" sign at the very top! |
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| We don't have a washer and dryer for our apartment yet, so today we took an adventure to the laundromat. Do you have any idea how much more enjoyable laundry is when you have a nice place to sit and a huge table to fold on? No hunching necessary! Plus, it only took like $6 and you can get it all done in an hour (multiple loads at once!). Our goal is to purchase our washer and dryer before the baby comes, because with a set up like this, I am in no rush! |
Family Updates:
One of our greatest updates is that my sister Hillary just had her beautiful baby, Henry Joseph, today! He is so cute and she looks amazing in all the pictures. Best of all they are both happy and healthy! Older brother Daniel is so excited to meet Henry. For all the trouble they will surely get into, I also know they will be the best of friends! Our baby is lucky to have two awesome cousins to show him the ropes!
Our beautiful baby boy is getting bigger and bigger! His kicks are so strong that sometimes I scream out of surprise! It's really nice to have him as my little companion (even if it feels a little like I am hosting a parasite). I keep thinking of that sad quote from The Office where Michael Scott says something like "Someday I want to have 100 kids so I can have 100 friends." I just want to have ALL DA BABIES. I sort of hope that feeling goes away once the exhaustion of parenthood kicks in, otherwise this place is going to start feeling crowded. Luckily, third trimester is around the corner and I am pretty sure everyone hates the thought of another pregnancy then.
Derek and I have been so grateful for the countless prayers, fasts, thoughts, and positivity sent our way. In a way I don't quite understand, we have seen how they have sustained us and given us strength through this hardship. I actually felt funny about calling our diagnosis of spina bifida our "greatest trial yet" at the beginning of this post because I feel like it has been......easy? That is so wrong to say, because it really has been hard, but I feel like this is a testimony of the amazing miracle that is the atonement. I don't believe there is any greater version of Hell for a mother than the thought of something happening to her baby. But through prayer, study, love, faith, and miracles, Derek and I have been blessed with the strength necessary to greet these challenges. Through Christ, we can all find rest from our heaviest burdens.
My hands-down, go-to favorite scripture is in Alma 26, where Ammon preaches of the glory of God. He says:
11... But behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God.
12 Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I willboast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever.
13 Behold, how many thousands of our brethren has he loosed from the pains of hell; and they are brought tosing redeeming love, and this because of the power of his word which is in us, therefore have we not great reason to rejoice?
14 Yea, we have reason to praise him forever, for he is the Most High God, and has loosed our brethren from the chains of hell.
15 Yea, they were encircled about with everlasting darkness and destruction; but behold, he has brought them into his everlastinglight, yea, into everlasting salvation; and they are encircled about with the matchless bounty of his love
Whether we are referring to "chains of hell" brought on through our own choices or trials that are thrusted upon us, we can be brought to sing redeeming love.
Last time I posted, I discussed our options for surgery for our son. We found out after some detailed scans that our child's lesion is likely between S3-S5 (the lowest bones of the sacrum), giving him the best possible prognosis (likely no paralysis, but still with the possible need for a shunt and likely bladder issues). Because of this prognosis, we are not qualified for fetal surgery. Instead, baby will have surgery within a few hours of birth and will be in the NICU for a week or so (possibly more if doctors decide he needs a shunt). I said in the first post that I would be grateful for whatever option is given to us, and I am striving to be okay with having this out of my control. The greatest blessing I see from this is that Derek and I get to be together throughout our pregnancy, he will definitely be there for the birth, and that we have several months now to choose the doctors we feel will care best for our baby. There is a lot of scary stuff still to come, so we definitely appreciate your continued prayers.
In one blessing I received after hearing the diagnosis, one of the promises I was given was that Derek and I would grow even closer and more in love through this trial. This has been just the most joyous part of all of this! We appreciate each other more, make more time to help each other, we laugh together more, we have become more patient with one another, and when the feelings come and I wake up in the middle of the night to cry a little when I think no one is awake to notice, Derek always is there to quietly stroke my hair till I can fall asleep again. When I found out the diagnosis, I felt as though I would never be happy ever again. How wrong I was! The greatest happiness has come since that moment. I love being with Derek more than words can express, and I am so excited to bring our child home to his loving family. The best is yet to come, come what may and love it!
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