There isn't a whole lot going on right now, but I figured I would give a little update just in case anyone who is going through a similar thing someday stumbles upon this blog. I have also had a really hard time writing ANYTHING in my personal journal about this whole pregnancy experience (I am sure several journal-minded people just want to shake me after reading that!). Any time I sit down in the quiet to write my thoughts, I just end up crying... I figure once this pregnancy is over I can just print out my blog posts and tuck them in there. This is a hard thing for me and I am trying to remember that someday soon it won't be this way and I will want to reflect on how I grew...but I also have to balance that with NOT allowing myself to spiral into a sad, pensive despair in the mean time. I am able to keep it together a little better when I try to communicate my thoughts to others, so here I am in all my unpolished glory. As a disclaimer, I will say that this is a very personal and spiritually minded post, so if you aren't down with that, maybe this isn't going to be the most interesting of updates to you. This pregnancy has been as much of a spiritual process to me as a physical one, so to me it's all one in the same.
The past week has really been the hardest for me since probably the first week after the initial diagnosis. I was feeling guilty about that. I feel like I had made so much progress and I was feeling so faithful and confident, but now I feel sad. Guilt really describes a lot of what I feel recently. There is a horrible horrible feeling of guilt when I consider that there could have been something I could have done to influence this pregnancy. Luckily I have really overcome that feeling this week (really a whole discussion on its own, so I will save that for later), but that really is the worst of all the feeling I feel in a given time period. I am trying to remember that I have like a million times the hormones raging through me and it's very possible that I am still just as strong and confident underneath this layer of "sad."
I was really in a terrible place until we had this amazing lesson in Relief Society that reminded me that sucky trials are a part of the mortal experience. The teacher read this commentary, explaining that successfully weathering these trials isn't about a "positive attitude," but instead remembering the qualities of our Heavenly Father. Instead of trying to face all of life's horrible unfairness with a smile and "this is TOTALLY fine!" attitude, we need to remember that we knew that this mortal journey would be hard, we accepted these challenges, and we knew it would end up okay because the Savior would redeem us from every pain, in addition to every sin. Somewhere along the way I forgot that I had permission to totally hate this experience. Once I remembered that feeling all these horrible feelings is a part of our mortal journey and that Heavenly Father sent His son to succor and save his people from things just like this, I suddenly felt like I am doing a good job. I am just trying my best.
This recent emotional experience really stemmed from my trip to a new perinatoligist who simply wasn't as hopeful for our child as all my other doctors had been. Over 90% of parents who receive a similar diagnosis terminate their pregnancies by this time. She didn't say it exactly, but she seemed to think it was selfish of me to prolong my child's life and his suffering. Any time I tried to be positive, she would explain that it will get worse. That his brain will be more damaged (up until this appointment, baby's ventricles were measuring in the high range of normal, but at this 28 wk appt they were officially enlarged at 13mm) his back will be more painful, his legs will stop moving... At the end of the appointment when she applauded me for being so brave during the ultrasound, I told her that I thought it was worth it just to be able to see his little face again. She responded with a smirk and said "good for you for being positive." UGH! I had to try really hard while she was talking to remember all those promises I had already been given, that our baby will grow to be strong and happy and that everything will be okay. I am sure the love I feel for my baby will grow unfathomably once he is really "here," but I also feel I have been blessed with a ridiculous amount of love for him already. I can't imagine my life without him. It hurts me when I feel people imply that it is better that he not be born. Do they not see that he is already a real human being who gets hiccups when I eat cookies and dances to music? That sort of mama love basically made me want to reach across the ultrasound machine and punch this lady. This is probably the sort of statement that makes doctors hate certain patients, BUT: I am convinced she knows nothing about my son. This kid and I have had a good connection from the beginning (you know, when the doctor was wrong about the gender and I totally called it), so I feel pretty confident that I know what I am talking about.
In addition to the rough appointment, I was also informed that I would have to switch all my care to a new hospital. I felt completely devastated, mostly because I trust my current OB so much and he was SOO hopeful. But after calming down in the days since, I know that delivering at OU really is the best. Not only do they have the best SB care in the state, it also means that we won't have to be separated and he can be delivered, have his surgery, and stay in the NICU all in one place. I will be more likely to see him sooner and more frequently, and Derek can easily check on the both of us while we recover. In addition, this hospital is very close to Derek's work, which, in the event of a long NICU stay, would allow him to come visit as his work schedule permits. I am really excited to go to this new place, actually!
In between the moments of frustration and sadness, I still have been able to feel a great amount of peace. I was able to go to the temple with a group of sister missionaries (including one who was our good friend in Pullman before she left!) and I really loved it. As a matter of fact, I didn't want to leave. I have been working hard to get some family names done, and I feel such a better understanding of our eternal nature as I do their work. I was running a little late to the temple and I felt like almost everything was going wrong! I had this family name that needed printing, but that took longer than expected, I lost my directions to the temple... I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to have enough time to take this name with me after all. I just prayed and asked Heavenly Father that if it be His will, there would be time for me to do the work for this family member. As soon as I got inside the temple, everything worked out perfectly and I was able to accomplish what I had set out to do. Not only that, but I also got the impression that this ancestor of mine was just as concerned about her work getting done and was going to do everything in her power to get it taken care of. As I reflect on these experiences when I do my family history work, I have realized I feel such close bonds with their spirits. I believe they help me just as literally as I help them through temple work. They remind me, not only of the fact that life extends beyond this mortal experience, but that our spirits are inherently powerful and connected. When we understand the reality of the eternal nature of our souls, our trials during this earthly period don't seem so bad.
I had been thinking about all of these things when I had the opportunity to receive a priesthood blessing. I am so glad there isn't some rule about how many of those we should get in our lifetime because I would surely surpass it. I have been given such wonderful answers to prayers on my knees, but I feel like nothing compares to hearing words straight from Heavenly Father through a worthy priesthood holder as directed by the spirit. Through this blessing, I was promised that there are many family members on the other side of the veil who are busily preparing things for my son's arrival, and that they will watch over him and guide those around him when he arrives. I cannot describe the joy and comfort that that thought has given me over the past few days. I know there will be good doctors and nurses who will care for my baby when I can't be there, but I honestly felt so relieved to know that those who I love and trust will be there to guard him and inspire those who are working on him when I can't be. In the quiet moments, I feel myself protected and loved by these same angels.
I am learning to trust in the atonement. I think that was the aspect that was missing in my relationship before. I feel like I have a working understanding of our redemption from sin, but it's been the healing from heartache portion that I really have had to study. I think I often would "cast my burdens on the Lord" during sincere prayer, and then at the end of the prayer just pick them all up again and go throughout my day still feeling bogged down. I am learning that if I truly want to feel freedom through the atonement, I have to put it in God's hands and just let it go! Letting go involves accepting that I don't know what I am doing, that I don't know what is best, and that I am okay with not knowing the solution (aside from what is revealed through the holy ghost). Society would tell us that this whole concept is ridiculous and that relinquishing control simply means we are running through life with our eyes closed... but society is also unhappy, unsuccessful, and ignorant of eternity. So I am really fighting my inner "natural man," and choosing to just release it all. I am grateful for the wonderful support our family has been given. It is so great to feel your love, even when it likely feels awkward for you to have to put up with my emotions and constant talking about anything baby/pregnancy related (yes I am aware I do it, no I don't know how to stop it! I pretty much only think about babies!). As always, thank you also for keeping all three of us in your prayers. I know they will heal our child and heal our hearts.
Showing posts with label Gospel Truths. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gospel Truths. Show all posts
Thursday, February 18, 2016
Saturday, December 26, 2015
A New Life
Late in August, I looked down at my first positive pregnancy test. I remember squealing with delight at the two pink lines on our 88 cent test. For months Derek and I had wished, prayed, and cried for our little baby...and after what seemed like an eternity (but wasn't!) a new little baby was joining our family. It's only been five months, but that feels like a lifetime ago.
I received a phone call a little over a week ago that forever changed our family's life. The doctor explained that my latest ultrasound results were abnormal, that something was wrong with the baby's spine. I have gone through painful things in my life, but I will tell you that there is no pain that can compare to what I felt at that moment. Words like "abnormality" "spina bifida" and "cognitive impairment" bounced around my brain as I sat screaming on our living room floor. I had made an imperfect body for a perfect new spirit that had done nothing to deserve the physical and emotional pain of a difficult life. Derek and I cried together as we tried to digest the news. Surely there was a mix up...that this was someone else's baby.
There wasn't a mix up. We met with my doctor on Friday night. He went over his understanding of the ultrasound as well as talked to us about possibilities. To say we were heartbroken would not even begin to describe it
The wonderful news is that through answered prayers, blessings, and tender mercies, Derek and I have been strengthened and prepared to handle this new calling in the week since. More research has given us multiple options to help our child have the best prognosis. What felt like an unsurvivable trial for us has now become doable. I am convinced that no one could love this child more than we can, and there is no mom on earth who is better for this baby than me. We are going to do this! I still cry, but I cry because of the extreme love I have for this little person. I don't know if it is instinct or what, but the success of this child has become my ultimate goal. There is literally nothing I wouldn't do for his well being. I love being his mommy!
So this is what we are up against: Spina Bifida is an abnormality of the spine, determined in the first 20-28 days of pregnancy, before a mother experiences a missed period. While chances of Spina Bifida can be reduced by taking Folic Acid, our geneticist (and several doctors agree) that like 99% of the time, it is just an abnormality left to chance. I was taking 800 mcg of Folic Acid in my prenatal the whole time I was off birth control before we knew we were pregnant, so baby had enough of the good stuff, but for whatever reason the spine did not "zip" together completely, leaving some spinal tissue in a cystic bubble on the back.
Babies with Spina Bifida have extremely different experiences. Some children grow to be very successful both physically and cognitively, while others will need assistance their whole lives. Paralysis is determined by the location of the lesion on the spine, where as cognitive function is determined by damage to the brain caused by hydrocephalus (spinal fluid in the drain) and issues with the shunt (a device doctors surgically place in the brain to drain fluid from the brain into the stomach).
After doing some very detailed scans, we discovered that our babies lesion is on the lower sacrum. It appears to be somewhere between S3 and S5. This is the best possible outcome (with the least, if any, paralysis). While it is possible that our son could need the assistance of a wheelchair or walker, it is far more likely that he will walk unassisted or with the use of braces on his ankles. Our baby's brain shows structural differences to be expected with strain on the spinal cord, but currently there is little/no sign of cognitive damage. The last few days had prepared us for the worst, but we are starting to see that the worst isn't happening here. Our child seems just as determined as we are to have a happy and fulfilling life!
We are currently investigating two options for our little one. The first of these options is fetal surgery. There are two different fetal surgery options (open fetal surgery, where the uterus is cut down the midline and a pediatric surgeon repairs the spine and then stitches mom closed; and fetoscopic surgery, where the same repair is made but done through scopes.) that we are considering. I have qualified for fetal surgery at Texas Children's Hospital in Houston. If we choose to go through with this option and all my results allow it, this surgery will likely be done the second week of January (very soon!). I would be on bed rest and asked to remain in Houston for the duration of my pregnancy.
The second option is post-birth surgery, where the baby's spine is repaired within the first few hours of birth. The results for this surgery are a little less successful long term, but also less risky for mom and do not impact future pregnancies like cutting into the uterus would. With this option, I would likely be able to carry full term, live in Oklahoma City with Derek, and have time to meet with various pediatric surgeons before the surgery is done. Baby would likely be in the nicu for several weeks after surgery.
Because our child's lesion is so low and his prognosis is so good, it is possible that he will be be denied fetal surgery. We are so grateful that we even have these options, that we are praying that God's will is done here, and we will find joy and satisfaction in whatever option is offered to us.
Friends and family, we love you. We really appreciate the love and prayers that have already been offered on our behalf. I know that this is a calling that Derek, baby, and I have already accepted in our pre-earth life. We already determined that we have enough faith, love, and willingness to make this work...we are just rediscovering that now in mortality! Derek and I have also been realizing that we have had several experiences that have unmistakably prepared us for handling the emotional, financial, and educational aspects of our growing family. God knew that we would go through this experience far before we realized it here. I have never felt a love for anything like I feel for my little guy. Please continue to pray for us to have the strength to meet these challenges, and please pray for our baby that he will be healed; that his life will be put in the hands of capable doctors and that his body will be strong enough to withstand the trials he will soon experience. We are so excited to celebrate this precious little spirit!
I received a phone call a little over a week ago that forever changed our family's life. The doctor explained that my latest ultrasound results were abnormal, that something was wrong with the baby's spine. I have gone through painful things in my life, but I will tell you that there is no pain that can compare to what I felt at that moment. Words like "abnormality" "spina bifida" and "cognitive impairment" bounced around my brain as I sat screaming on our living room floor. I had made an imperfect body for a perfect new spirit that had done nothing to deserve the physical and emotional pain of a difficult life. Derek and I cried together as we tried to digest the news. Surely there was a mix up...that this was someone else's baby.
There wasn't a mix up. We met with my doctor on Friday night. He went over his understanding of the ultrasound as well as talked to us about possibilities. To say we were heartbroken would not even begin to describe it
The wonderful news is that through answered prayers, blessings, and tender mercies, Derek and I have been strengthened and prepared to handle this new calling in the week since. More research has given us multiple options to help our child have the best prognosis. What felt like an unsurvivable trial for us has now become doable. I am convinced that no one could love this child more than we can, and there is no mom on earth who is better for this baby than me. We are going to do this! I still cry, but I cry because of the extreme love I have for this little person. I don't know if it is instinct or what, but the success of this child has become my ultimate goal. There is literally nothing I wouldn't do for his well being. I love being his mommy!
So this is what we are up against: Spina Bifida is an abnormality of the spine, determined in the first 20-28 days of pregnancy, before a mother experiences a missed period. While chances of Spina Bifida can be reduced by taking Folic Acid, our geneticist (and several doctors agree) that like 99% of the time, it is just an abnormality left to chance. I was taking 800 mcg of Folic Acid in my prenatal the whole time I was off birth control before we knew we were pregnant, so baby had enough of the good stuff, but for whatever reason the spine did not "zip" together completely, leaving some spinal tissue in a cystic bubble on the back.
Babies with Spina Bifida have extremely different experiences. Some children grow to be very successful both physically and cognitively, while others will need assistance their whole lives. Paralysis is determined by the location of the lesion on the spine, where as cognitive function is determined by damage to the brain caused by hydrocephalus (spinal fluid in the drain) and issues with the shunt (a device doctors surgically place in the brain to drain fluid from the brain into the stomach).
After doing some very detailed scans, we discovered that our babies lesion is on the lower sacrum. It appears to be somewhere between S3 and S5. This is the best possible outcome (with the least, if any, paralysis). While it is possible that our son could need the assistance of a wheelchair or walker, it is far more likely that he will walk unassisted or with the use of braces on his ankles. Our baby's brain shows structural differences to be expected with strain on the spinal cord, but currently there is little/no sign of cognitive damage. The last few days had prepared us for the worst, but we are starting to see that the worst isn't happening here. Our child seems just as determined as we are to have a happy and fulfilling life!
We are currently investigating two options for our little one. The first of these options is fetal surgery. There are two different fetal surgery options (open fetal surgery, where the uterus is cut down the midline and a pediatric surgeon repairs the spine and then stitches mom closed; and fetoscopic surgery, where the same repair is made but done through scopes.) that we are considering. I have qualified for fetal surgery at Texas Children's Hospital in Houston. If we choose to go through with this option and all my results allow it, this surgery will likely be done the second week of January (very soon!). I would be on bed rest and asked to remain in Houston for the duration of my pregnancy.
The second option is post-birth surgery, where the baby's spine is repaired within the first few hours of birth. The results for this surgery are a little less successful long term, but also less risky for mom and do not impact future pregnancies like cutting into the uterus would. With this option, I would likely be able to carry full term, live in Oklahoma City with Derek, and have time to meet with various pediatric surgeons before the surgery is done. Baby would likely be in the nicu for several weeks after surgery.
Because our child's lesion is so low and his prognosis is so good, it is possible that he will be be denied fetal surgery. We are so grateful that we even have these options, that we are praying that God's will is done here, and we will find joy and satisfaction in whatever option is offered to us.
Friends and family, we love you. We really appreciate the love and prayers that have already been offered on our behalf. I know that this is a calling that Derek, baby, and I have already accepted in our pre-earth life. We already determined that we have enough faith, love, and willingness to make this work...we are just rediscovering that now in mortality! Derek and I have also been realizing that we have had several experiences that have unmistakably prepared us for handling the emotional, financial, and educational aspects of our growing family. God knew that we would go through this experience far before we realized it here. I have never felt a love for anything like I feel for my little guy. Please continue to pray for us to have the strength to meet these challenges, and please pray for our baby that he will be healed; that his life will be put in the hands of capable doctors and that his body will be strong enough to withstand the trials he will soon experience. We are so excited to celebrate this precious little spirit!
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
Best of Friends
June is finally here! With the change of the month has come one big change of our own:
After a long LONG search, Derek and I accepted an internship at Pacific Northwest National Laboratories in Richland, Washington. For the past eight or so months, Derek has been dutifully searching for a Summer internship to complement his major in Management Information Systems. As a matter of fact, he was looking for so long that it seems pretty sad to try to boil it down into one paragraph! We looked at several companies, and Derek had a fair share of interviews, phone calls, and ended up with a few options still on the table at the end of April. While we had brief love affairs imagining our lives at these different companies, PNNL really felt right from the beginning. Those feelings were cemented when they made us a fantastic offer and we accepted later that week.
Since being here in the Tri-Cities, we have been reminded time and time again that this is EXACTLY where we need to be. Derek is learning so much about programming and working with "big data", and I am having so much fun watching him learn and be so excited about what he has been doing! He is making friends with those he works with, networking with nationally respected developers, gaining certifications for programming, and getting hands-on experience problem-solving and developing original content for a huge company. He has just come alive and is really soaking it all in! At a recent meeting they had with their mentor, Derek learned that about 280 people applied for the position from over 90 different universities, and only 10 were selected. Derek is one of those 10! I am so so proud of him and his hard work, and I am glad he is finally getting the opportunities I feel his hard work deserves.
I feel like a little bragging is in order here, because I know Derek won't do it! Prior to Derek's mission he had really struggled in school. His mom was in desperate need of a kidney and pancreas transplant in order to save her life, his brother was having troubles emotionally, and his dad was away from the home. During this period of extreme emotional and financial stress, Derek completed his two year mission, came back home and got back to work immediately. Since then, Derek has now brought up his GPA significantly and will graduate Cum Laude (way to go!) in December, will have IT and development experience working in several great companies, and will be fantastically suited to join the labor force with the support of his family (who is now reunited and healthy!). It is one thing to be good academically from day one, but it is quite another to make such a journey to academic success. He has worked SO hard!!!
In other news, our two year anniversary is coming up and I just can't believe it! July 19th will mark two years of marriage for us, and I have got to say, year two was even better than the first! Though we have always been close, I feel like we have really just become absolute best friends this past year. We have started to learn more about ourselves to help us work better together, and we just have fun every day! It really is just so much fun being together, laughing together, and preparing for our future together. I am so lucky to have such a kind and warm-hearted companion to go through eternity with. He is just the bomb! I feel like we have been together forever, and just can't imagine my life without him. I love that he takes me on all of his adventures and he lets me drag him along all of my spontaneous projects.
Life in the Tri-Cities has been so fun together! All of our dating and married lives we have lived in Pullman. While it has been great for some reasons, Pullman is seriously lacking in the "fun" department. We have grown so used to making our own fun (like walking through walmart or making a dessert together) that it's now really exciting to have so many shops, malls, parks, and more ALL AROUND US! Last night as we were driving to the grocery store, I accidentally had Derek take a wrong turn and we ended up passing the September 11th Memorial (a remnant of the twin towers) so I was pointing it out to him and he said "You Pulsipher girls always bloom where your planted...As soon as you get somewhere your all trying to find out the history and going on drives to see where roads connect and stuff." I guess I thought it was a normal thing to do (epecially when I don't have much else to do), but I know my mom and sister do the same thing too!
In addition, I have also been lucky enough to get a job as a teacher at Sylvan Learning Center, which has been great, AND I have had a lot of free time to take adventures to various places around the tri-cities. My favorite daily adventure I have had before work is to go to the temple grounds and read my scriptures. Before we left for the Summer, our Stake President in Pullman challenged our ward to read the Book Of Mormon in three months. Derek and I are both set on completing the challenge, and I have already had such a wonderful experience reading the Book of Mormon outside in the sunshine next to all the flowers at the temple. I feel really blessed to be able to take an hour out of my day for spiritual "me" time, which is something I have felt I haven't had the chance to do in a while.
I feel like the Book Of Mormon challenge couldn't have come at a better time, as recently there have been a lot of sad tragedies in the news that have touched my life. First there was the death of 16 year old Maylee Anderson, who passed away after succumbing to injuries sustained from a car accident on Memorial Day. While I never knew her, several facebook friends were familiar with the family and I began following her story earlier in the week. Then late that night I heard of the passing of sweet Natalie Barnard, who was serving as a missionary in Atlanta, Georgia when she was in a terrible car accident. Her family moved to Snoqualmie when I was in high school and I attended seminary with her older sister, and was familiar (and had many younger friends who were very close) with Natalie and her beaming personality. The following day, Elder L. Tom Perry passed away from cancer, which had very recently been diagnosed and progressed like "wildfire". I know for each one of these stories there is someone far closer than I was who are affected by them, but it has really struck a chord with my heart. I am grateful for the Book of Mormon that has really taught me the reality of those who come before us, as well as those who come after. I think it is very natural to be scared of the unknown that accompanies death, but I have recently been reminded of the simple words of a favorite hymn:
"O may Thy house be my abode,
And all my work be praise.
There would I find a settled rest,
While others go and come;
No more a stranger, nor a guest,
But like a child at home."
After a long LONG search, Derek and I accepted an internship at Pacific Northwest National Laboratories in Richland, Washington. For the past eight or so months, Derek has been dutifully searching for a Summer internship to complement his major in Management Information Systems. As a matter of fact, he was looking for so long that it seems pretty sad to try to boil it down into one paragraph! We looked at several companies, and Derek had a fair share of interviews, phone calls, and ended up with a few options still on the table at the end of April. While we had brief love affairs imagining our lives at these different companies, PNNL really felt right from the beginning. Those feelings were cemented when they made us a fantastic offer and we accepted later that week.
Since being here in the Tri-Cities, we have been reminded time and time again that this is EXACTLY where we need to be. Derek is learning so much about programming and working with "big data", and I am having so much fun watching him learn and be so excited about what he has been doing! He is making friends with those he works with, networking with nationally respected developers, gaining certifications for programming, and getting hands-on experience problem-solving and developing original content for a huge company. He has just come alive and is really soaking it all in! At a recent meeting they had with their mentor, Derek learned that about 280 people applied for the position from over 90 different universities, and only 10 were selected. Derek is one of those 10! I am so so proud of him and his hard work, and I am glad he is finally getting the opportunities I feel his hard work deserves.
I feel like a little bragging is in order here, because I know Derek won't do it! Prior to Derek's mission he had really struggled in school. His mom was in desperate need of a kidney and pancreas transplant in order to save her life, his brother was having troubles emotionally, and his dad was away from the home. During this period of extreme emotional and financial stress, Derek completed his two year mission, came back home and got back to work immediately. Since then, Derek has now brought up his GPA significantly and will graduate Cum Laude (way to go!) in December, will have IT and development experience working in several great companies, and will be fantastically suited to join the labor force with the support of his family (who is now reunited and healthy!). It is one thing to be good academically from day one, but it is quite another to make such a journey to academic success. He has worked SO hard!!!
In other news, our two year anniversary is coming up and I just can't believe it! July 19th will mark two years of marriage for us, and I have got to say, year two was even better than the first! Though we have always been close, I feel like we have really just become absolute best friends this past year. We have started to learn more about ourselves to help us work better together, and we just have fun every day! It really is just so much fun being together, laughing together, and preparing for our future together. I am so lucky to have such a kind and warm-hearted companion to go through eternity with. He is just the bomb! I feel like we have been together forever, and just can't imagine my life without him. I love that he takes me on all of his adventures and he lets me drag him along all of my spontaneous projects.
Life in the Tri-Cities has been so fun together! All of our dating and married lives we have lived in Pullman. While it has been great for some reasons, Pullman is seriously lacking in the "fun" department. We have grown so used to making our own fun (like walking through walmart or making a dessert together) that it's now really exciting to have so many shops, malls, parks, and more ALL AROUND US! Last night as we were driving to the grocery store, I accidentally had Derek take a wrong turn and we ended up passing the September 11th Memorial (a remnant of the twin towers) so I was pointing it out to him and he said "You Pulsipher girls always bloom where your planted...As soon as you get somewhere your all trying to find out the history and going on drives to see where roads connect and stuff." I guess I thought it was a normal thing to do (epecially when I don't have much else to do), but I know my mom and sister do the same thing too!
In addition, I have also been lucky enough to get a job as a teacher at Sylvan Learning Center, which has been great, AND I have had a lot of free time to take adventures to various places around the tri-cities. My favorite daily adventure I have had before work is to go to the temple grounds and read my scriptures. Before we left for the Summer, our Stake President in Pullman challenged our ward to read the Book Of Mormon in three months. Derek and I are both set on completing the challenge, and I have already had such a wonderful experience reading the Book of Mormon outside in the sunshine next to all the flowers at the temple. I feel really blessed to be able to take an hour out of my day for spiritual "me" time, which is something I have felt I haven't had the chance to do in a while.
I feel like the Book Of Mormon challenge couldn't have come at a better time, as recently there have been a lot of sad tragedies in the news that have touched my life. First there was the death of 16 year old Maylee Anderson, who passed away after succumbing to injuries sustained from a car accident on Memorial Day. While I never knew her, several facebook friends were familiar with the family and I began following her story earlier in the week. Then late that night I heard of the passing of sweet Natalie Barnard, who was serving as a missionary in Atlanta, Georgia when she was in a terrible car accident. Her family moved to Snoqualmie when I was in high school and I attended seminary with her older sister, and was familiar (and had many younger friends who were very close) with Natalie and her beaming personality. The following day, Elder L. Tom Perry passed away from cancer, which had very recently been diagnosed and progressed like "wildfire". I know for each one of these stories there is someone far closer than I was who are affected by them, but it has really struck a chord with my heart. I am grateful for the Book of Mormon that has really taught me the reality of those who come before us, as well as those who come after. I think it is very natural to be scared of the unknown that accompanies death, but I have recently been reminded of the simple words of a favorite hymn:
"O may Thy house be my abode,
And all my work be praise.
There would I find a settled rest,
While others go and come;
No more a stranger, nor a guest,
But like a child at home."
In order to make God's house our home, we need to acquaint ourselves with it. Allow ourselves to be comfortable in the temple and on its grounds. As I have attended the temple more regularly and made reading the scriptures and spending time there a habit, I have found that my soul can really relax and feel at peace there, and I love it! When we think of our lives in an eternal perspective, all of our little doubts simply do not matter. There are somethings we may never fully understand in this life, BUT what we do know is that (1) we have a Heavenly Father who loves us; (2) We were spirits who learned, loved, and socialized before we were born; (3) We jumped for joy at the opportunity to come to earth, gain bodies, and have mortal experiences; (4), When we leave mortality, we are welcomed by family and friends (some who we knew on earth and some we didn't) to a beautiful world or realm where we learn more about the gospel, teach and serve others; (5) We also know that we will be reunited with our loved ones, we will be resurrected, we will be judged by Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, and the righteous will then inherit all that God has. I find that when I focus on the Plan of Salvation, all these other little things don't seem to matter much. I am grateful for the testimony of these things that I have been given as I study the Book of Mormon and other aspects of Gospel Doctrine.
Our time as a "stranger" or "guest" is in fact more descriptive of our earth life than our spiritual life. Our true home was never meant to be in this fallen world... We have a far greater destiny ahead!
Monday, December 8, 2014
Sometimes Blessings Include Sorrow
This morning on my daily commute to the middle school, I was listening to the Dave Ramsey show (as I typically do) and I heard something that just completely through me off. Dave was counseling with one of his callers who was doing his debt free scream, but in the process, Dave had practically scolded this man who had lost money on a job venture yet said he believed it was the will of God. Dave then said that we can all know that it wasn't the will of God, because there was "sorrow in it" (referring to Proverbs 10:22). While I love Dave for his financial wisdom, I certainly do not follow all his religions opinions, and this was one of them.
God's plan, and even God's direct blessings, sometimes make us sorrowful. In fact, some of my life's greatest trials have, in retrospect, been great blessings. And is there not sorrow in the pains of childbirth? Or when we leave friends to move somewhere new? When we break of with boyfriends? Quit terrible jobs? Aren't there newlyweds who cry as they look at their empty cupboards? Or families who solemnly look at their bank accounts after paying tithing or giving to others?
Sadness is, in fact, a staple of mortality. How sad it would be to constantly reject the blessings of the Lord for the fact that we sense parts of it might make us sad, or even hurt us emotionally or financially. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways." Wouldn't it just be terrible if God's plan for our lives was limited by the fear and sadness we find in change and discomfort? We know that "the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been since the fall of Adam." We cannot possibly achieve all the blessings of eternal life without "putting off the natural man", which includes getting out of the comfort zone of mortality.
How many apostles and prophets have been martyred on behalf of Jesus's name or his teachings? Isn't it just foolish to believe that there was "no sorrow" in that calling from God?
The real kicker is that Christ's atonement makes right any wrongs we had in this life. That our most sacred and important blessing has truly "made us rich" and removed all sorrow from exaltation. As Jesus himself said, "in this world, he shall have great tribulation, but be of good cheer for I have overcome the world." And as you look to God, even in these times of trial, and "endure it well" God will "exalt thee on high."
Quite simply, if God's plan only brought happiness on earth, it would require no faith. But this life is a test. Some burdens will be hard to bear, some plans will end in tears, and sometimes we may ask God why he allows us to feel such sorrow. Yet, we chose this existence in earth because we were promised that God would strengthen us, teach us, and help us grow. We were not sent to our lives here on earth to hide ourselves in the corner for fear of stubbing our toe! It is our duty as His children to enjoy and explore our home on earth, and rely on Christ's atonement for all the inequalities we experience. As we live righteously, God will "direct our paths", and lead us through all sorts of experiences. And further, as we choose wisely and grow toward God, one day we will be reunited with him in a kingdom of everlasting happiness and joy.
#sorrynotsorry Dave Ramsey!
God's plan, and even God's direct blessings, sometimes make us sorrowful. In fact, some of my life's greatest trials have, in retrospect, been great blessings. And is there not sorrow in the pains of childbirth? Or when we leave friends to move somewhere new? When we break of with boyfriends? Quit terrible jobs? Aren't there newlyweds who cry as they look at their empty cupboards? Or families who solemnly look at their bank accounts after paying tithing or giving to others?
Sadness is, in fact, a staple of mortality. How sad it would be to constantly reject the blessings of the Lord for the fact that we sense parts of it might make us sad, or even hurt us emotionally or financially. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways." Wouldn't it just be terrible if God's plan for our lives was limited by the fear and sadness we find in change and discomfort? We know that "the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been since the fall of Adam." We cannot possibly achieve all the blessings of eternal life without "putting off the natural man", which includes getting out of the comfort zone of mortality.
How many apostles and prophets have been martyred on behalf of Jesus's name or his teachings? Isn't it just foolish to believe that there was "no sorrow" in that calling from God?
The real kicker is that Christ's atonement makes right any wrongs we had in this life. That our most sacred and important blessing has truly "made us rich" and removed all sorrow from exaltation. As Jesus himself said, "in this world, he shall have great tribulation, but be of good cheer for I have overcome the world." And as you look to God, even in these times of trial, and "endure it well" God will "exalt thee on high."
Quite simply, if God's plan only brought happiness on earth, it would require no faith. But this life is a test. Some burdens will be hard to bear, some plans will end in tears, and sometimes we may ask God why he allows us to feel such sorrow. Yet, we chose this existence in earth because we were promised that God would strengthen us, teach us, and help us grow. We were not sent to our lives here on earth to hide ourselves in the corner for fear of stubbing our toe! It is our duty as His children to enjoy and explore our home on earth, and rely on Christ's atonement for all the inequalities we experience. As we live righteously, God will "direct our paths", and lead us through all sorts of experiences. And further, as we choose wisely and grow toward God, one day we will be reunited with him in a kingdom of everlasting happiness and joy.
#sorrynotsorry Dave Ramsey!
Thursday, September 18, 2014
Finding Our Callings
Excuse the lack of posts these past couple months, the Askham family has been "enjoying" several changes that have come our way recently!
After driving a 15 year-old-plus car as our ONLY car for about 5 months, and saving and budgeting every penny carefully, Derek and I were finally able to move up in car!
This has been such a huge blessing for us. For my student teaching, I have to drive about 70 miles a day, so it is awesome to have a reliable car that I feel safe in during my commute. And for Derek, he finally has some wheels that are ALMOST as cool as he is :) With our new car purchases, we had to say goodbye to an old friend, my blue Pontiac Sunfire. My Dad was kind enough to sell it on Craigslist for us after we left the area, and it went to a good home! All in all, we came in under budget and we are both really proud of ourselves for the long hours we worked to get here!
This semester has already proved to be a busy one, as both Derek and I work to tie any loose ends on our degrees. Currently I am student teaching in a small middle school about an hour away from the University. It has been a challenge in many respects, but ironically, teaching has been the EASIEST part. The most stressful aspect has really been building relationships with so many people that are going to be the gatekeepers to my career! Sometimes I feel inadequate, but I am trying to remember I am just beginning a career. I have plenty of time to improve!
Derek still has a little over a year left on his degree, but he is also working hard on securing an internship for the Summer. In so doing, he keeps pretty busy studying, working on resumes, attending school, and also being our soul breadwinner for the semester. He is just rockin' it! Typically, we wake up around 6 am, we leave for school and work, we get home between 5 or 6, we eat, Derek goes to meetings or studies and I work on lesson plans, and by the time 9:30 rolls around, we head to bed. It seems like an impossible life, but Derek and I have both felt energetic and motivated, sustained by power we know must be from God.
Adding to our fun changes has been my recent call to be second counselor in our ward's Relief Society! I was really shocked (I even asked the new RS president when I first met her if she was sure she meant ME. She said she was! haha) but now that it is starting to sink in a little, I feel great peace in knowing that "Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them." The ladies I get to work with are just SO awesome. We are still working to get things running smoothly, but I have no doubt that we will be able to unify and be a great power for good in our ward and community.
As I have reflected on all of these changes as well as my emotions, I was surprised to find that I feel more motivated, enthusiastic, and energetic than before. While there are so many wonderful things going on that I feel I can attribute this too, "finding my calling" kept coming to mind. Though I know there will be stressful days ahead, I feel that we come alive when we are doing what God has called us to do. Whether its working hard with a spouse to get in control of finances, educating ourselves, serving in our church or community capacities, or following a lifetime's worth of promptings as we start new careers, I believe God blesses us for those efforts. He says, “Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” While often times we hear this scripture and think to "come to Him" through prayer and sacrifice, I am finding that we "come to Him" much faster on our feet serving than we do on our knees (which is good because if I get down on my knees to say a prayer I will probably fall asleep!).
I am really excited to be able to see these blessings in my life and I am thrilled to serve others and build some character :)
In conclusion, I thought I would share a little message! Over a year ago, I had a professor tell us to write little notes to ourselves in the future. I don't actually remember too much about writing it, but I remember I wanted it to be something encouraging to read when I started student teaching. This week, I got my little letter in the mail and it made me so happy! Although I directed it to myself at the time, I feel it is something that can apply to all of us in some respect. I am posting a small excerpt below...So read, and enjoy!
"...The best example of teaching I will ever have is Christ. His love, patience, and encouragement is the way to help others. You may be working furiously on your edTPA right now, but remember there is always more to life than paperwork. Having the example is the key!
There is a deeper purpose than a grade, a certification, or a job. The greatest thing I will ever do in life will be my opportunity to bring beautiful children into this world with my husband. Second to that only, is to help raise other children. With the latter, my goal goes beyond content or standards or state testing. My goal is to bring light and love into the world. Never be afraid to show love. Even if some are failing in content, through love they will know that they are not failing this life. Love, patience, and encouragement always.
You are blessed more than you know....You can do anything. So go and TEACH!"
After driving a 15 year-old-plus car as our ONLY car for about 5 months, and saving and budgeting every penny carefully, Derek and I were finally able to move up in car!
 |
| For me, a 2004 Suzuki Aerio |
 |
| And for Derek, a sporty little 2001 Mercury Cougar |
This semester has already proved to be a busy one, as both Derek and I work to tie any loose ends on our degrees. Currently I am student teaching in a small middle school about an hour away from the University. It has been a challenge in many respects, but ironically, teaching has been the EASIEST part. The most stressful aspect has really been building relationships with so many people that are going to be the gatekeepers to my career! Sometimes I feel inadequate, but I am trying to remember I am just beginning a career. I have plenty of time to improve!
Derek still has a little over a year left on his degree, but he is also working hard on securing an internship for the Summer. In so doing, he keeps pretty busy studying, working on resumes, attending school, and also being our soul breadwinner for the semester. He is just rockin' it! Typically, we wake up around 6 am, we leave for school and work, we get home between 5 or 6, we eat, Derek goes to meetings or studies and I work on lesson plans, and by the time 9:30 rolls around, we head to bed. It seems like an impossible life, but Derek and I have both felt energetic and motivated, sustained by power we know must be from God.
Adding to our fun changes has been my recent call to be second counselor in our ward's Relief Society! I was really shocked (I even asked the new RS president when I first met her if she was sure she meant ME. She said she was! haha) but now that it is starting to sink in a little, I feel great peace in knowing that "Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them." The ladies I get to work with are just SO awesome. We are still working to get things running smoothly, but I have no doubt that we will be able to unify and be a great power for good in our ward and community.
As I have reflected on all of these changes as well as my emotions, I was surprised to find that I feel more motivated, enthusiastic, and energetic than before. While there are so many wonderful things going on that I feel I can attribute this too, "finding my calling" kept coming to mind. Though I know there will be stressful days ahead, I feel that we come alive when we are doing what God has called us to do. Whether its working hard with a spouse to get in control of finances, educating ourselves, serving in our church or community capacities, or following a lifetime's worth of promptings as we start new careers, I believe God blesses us for those efforts. He says, “Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” While often times we hear this scripture and think to "come to Him" through prayer and sacrifice, I am finding that we "come to Him" much faster on our feet serving than we do on our knees (which is good because if I get down on my knees to say a prayer I will probably fall asleep!).
I am really excited to be able to see these blessings in my life and I am thrilled to serve others and build some character :)
In conclusion, I thought I would share a little message! Over a year ago, I had a professor tell us to write little notes to ourselves in the future. I don't actually remember too much about writing it, but I remember I wanted it to be something encouraging to read when I started student teaching. This week, I got my little letter in the mail and it made me so happy! Although I directed it to myself at the time, I feel it is something that can apply to all of us in some respect. I am posting a small excerpt below...So read, and enjoy!
"...The best example of teaching I will ever have is Christ. His love, patience, and encouragement is the way to help others. You may be working furiously on your edTPA right now, but remember there is always more to life than paperwork. Having the example is the key!
There is a deeper purpose than a grade, a certification, or a job. The greatest thing I will ever do in life will be my opportunity to bring beautiful children into this world with my husband. Second to that only, is to help raise other children. With the latter, my goal goes beyond content or standards or state testing. My goal is to bring light and love into the world. Never be afraid to show love. Even if some are failing in content, through love they will know that they are not failing this life. Love, patience, and encouragement always.
You are blessed more than you know....You can do anything. So go and TEACH!"
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Act Upon This Land as for Years
I want desperately to have people to talk to, but most days I am not feeling too good. And even when I do feel good, it seems every activity I want to go to has food everywhere (and I am trying to put on a brave face but it is really hard not to eat 90% of what you guys eat!). I have been extremely grateful for all the loving ward members who have stopped by just to say hello. I am trying to stay positive. Even though I am a lot weaker than I was a few months ago, the gym is my solace and it helps straighten everything out in my mind. I am remembering the words spoken by almost every seminary teacher ever-- "The scriptures say 'and it came to pass' not 'and it came to stay', so keep going!"
*refreshing breath in* *refreshing breath out*
Anyways, that is my place today. An article I read in the Ensign (and LDS magazine geared towards adults) keeps coming to mind, so I figured I would share the love:
"In the Spring of 1831, the [early Latter Day] Saints began to gather to Kirtland, Ohio. A member...agreed to allow a group from Colesville, New York, to stay on his from in Thompson, a short distance from Kirtland." Joseph Smith, the prophet and leader of the church wrote the following revelation from God:
"And I consecrate unto them this land for a little season, until I, the Lord, shall provide for them otherwise, and command them to go hence.... And the hour and the day is not given unto them [when I shall provide for them otherwise], wherefore let them act upon this land as for years, and this shall turn unto them for their good" Doctrine and Covenants 51:16-17
So, like the children of Israel who wandered for 40 years, and the early Saints on the Copley farm, we too know that where we are now (geographically, emotionally, and spiritually) is not our final destination. But God doesn't say, don't worry about your choices and your actions because this is only a little bit of your life, he says "go and do something today!"
We are counseled to act upon this land as for years. Live our lives and conduct our homes in a state of permanence. Be open to the Lord's call when he asks you to move and change, but be just as open when he asks you to stay. For Derek and I this means trying harder to meet new people and make friends (this has been our biggest challenge in our ward here), serve in callings diligently, find pleasure in the work we do, find activities that we enjoy in Pullman instead of thinking of all the activities we WISH we could do.
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Marriages are Permanent and Precious
Firstly, I hope you guys enjoy our recent blogger face-lift! I think this one will be better for mobile users, but let us know :)
I've been thinking a lot about marriage recently, given our recent anniversary as well as several recent couples' engagements. How strange is it that many of us (particularly within the LDS church) make the most important decision of our earthly life (and entire eternity) before we can legally drink, purchase a hotel room without getting the third degree, or rent a car without that huge fee.
Perhaps that juxtaposition comes from the fact that we are trying to take God's path in an a society touting an ever-extending period of adolescence. Yet it also suggests that God's plan was never for marriage to be the end-all-be-all of life on earth. In fact, marriage is the beginning. Marriage is the tree we plant that will bring forth all other experiences: careers, children, education, travel, and all the trials in between. While marriage and family life remains the highest of God's commandments and callings, it is the foundation of almost everything we will do in our lives.
How important it is, then, to choose a partner who will help us bring about good, help us experience joy, and help us experience completeness; being ever mindful that Satan has his counterfeit to each of these emotions. Although "all you need is love" is a cheery song to sing in the depths of newlywed poverty, it is always important to understand that the healthiest of marriages will always require more than love and affection. Humility, hard-work, mutual understanding, and a spiritual foundation keep marriages progressing.
Marriage should always be viewed as "permanent and precious". The greatest joys in this life are to be experienced hand-in-hand with another.
I've been thinking a lot about marriage recently, given our recent anniversary as well as several recent couples' engagements. How strange is it that many of us (particularly within the LDS church) make the most important decision of our earthly life (and entire eternity) before we can legally drink, purchase a hotel room without getting the third degree, or rent a car without that huge fee.
Perhaps that juxtaposition comes from the fact that we are trying to take God's path in an a society touting an ever-extending period of adolescence. Yet it also suggests that God's plan was never for marriage to be the end-all-be-all of life on earth. In fact, marriage is the beginning. Marriage is the tree we plant that will bring forth all other experiences: careers, children, education, travel, and all the trials in between. While marriage and family life remains the highest of God's commandments and callings, it is the foundation of almost everything we will do in our lives.
How important it is, then, to choose a partner who will help us bring about good, help us experience joy, and help us experience completeness; being ever mindful that Satan has his counterfeit to each of these emotions. Although "all you need is love" is a cheery song to sing in the depths of newlywed poverty, it is always important to understand that the healthiest of marriages will always require more than love and affection. Humility, hard-work, mutual understanding, and a spiritual foundation keep marriages progressing.
Marriage should always be viewed as "permanent and precious". The greatest joys in this life are to be experienced hand-in-hand with another.
Monday, September 9, 2013
6 non-awkward reasons why being married is better than dating
Working at Taco Del Mar has been so much fun so far. I am getting the hang of things now, and really starting to get to know my co-workers (goodbye loneliness! ). I always do find it odd though, that they ask me so many questions about being married...like I am some sort of experiment or something? Hahaha.
I thought I had heard it all, but just last week one of my co-workers asked me "So, what is the difference between being in a serious relationship and being married? Why is it so great?"
UHH? Okay, I gave the lamest reasons. I think I said something about sharing the work load....
YEAH,ITWASTHATBAD.
Truth is, being married is so much better than having a slave to kill spiders for you. I am not sure if I could ever adequately express why being married is so great, but after some more thought, I think its time to attempt this question again. Without further ado, here are 6 (non-awkward) reasons why being married is better than dating.
1. God wants us to be married and create families.
Really, I shouldn't have to say anything more than that. Relationships in general are great and all, and they provide some nice opportunities. Committing yourself to a covenant marriage, now that's a whole different ball game. The glue that holds society together is the family. How wonderful it is to have the opportunity to build a marriage on the teachings of Jesus Christ, raise a family together, and grow. While I think marriage is all too often viewed as "the refiners fire", living and working with any companion gives you a great opportunity to see where your weaknesses lie, and also learn to sacrifice some things to help another person receive even greater joy. Love can do some pretty powerful things.
But let's be honest. That answer isn't going to satisfy many of the kids I talk to on a regular basis. So, random TDM employee, this is for you.
2. Teamwork.
I like to think of myself as a pretty smart individual. I can remember a fair bit, I get decent grades, and I can pick things up pretty quickly. Now multiply that times two. Being in a marriage means that you have full access to two, experienced, adult brains, ready to solve problems. I have been married almost two months, and already there have been countless times where I just cannot figure something out, and Derek is like "have you thought of...." "what about....". GENIUS. We don't always know all the answers, but we are starting to get things down.
Now, this isn't all just intellectual though. Sometimes it means that I come home from work, and after standing all day, I get a foot rub. Couldn't ask for better teamwork than that! Thanks honey! ;)
3. Start your lives together.
So many people put off marriage because they don't want to "settle down" while they are young. Excuse me?! We are just getting started! Together, we can create any life we want to! Why wait until all your creativity and spontaneity is gone to be like "okay, now I will introduce them to my life..."! That is so boring! Instead of going on adventures solo, we get to do it together! Having a partner in crime for your crazy antics is the best.
4. Work it out.
Lest we come off as the couple that never argues about anything and just laughs stuff off-- NOT ALWAYS TRUE. Getting upset with someone you love so much is probably one of the suckiest things ever. Unfortunately, it happens. When it does happen, though, Derek and I are both on board to find the best solution. We are both human, and we both make mistakes. At the end of the day, we work through things to get back to what we really love: each other.
5. Safety.
This is probably going in a different direction than you think. I mean, physically, its nice to have a man around to walk with you to the door or pick you up from work, but there is a lot more to it than just that. Derek makes me feel safe. I am not quite sure how it happens. It probably builds over time and I was too distracted to really notice it. But Derek has created a little world for me where no one gets by making me feel awful. It's not that he even confronts the person, but he certainly confronts the idea. Derek is my biggest protector. I have never felt safer to live my life and to go and pursue my dreams. I wish I could be better at doing the same thing for him. Lucky for both of us, its never to late to start trying :)
6. People finally take you seriously.
Let's just admit it, most people are going to break up with a couple people before they decide to tie the knot. Pretty much everyone views your relationship as a dispensable object unless you are over 25. This can be super frustrating when you finally find the person you want to marry. You know you REALLY love them, you have talked about marriage, you have started to work out logistics, and-- oh wait, you guys are still "just" dating. No matter what you pour into that relationship, you don't get any R-E-S-P-E-C-T without a R-I-N-G.
Not to mention, being married makes people think you are responsible and dependable. My boss was super excited to know that I was married. Even though I am a few years younger than a lot of the people I work with, my employers view me as more of a "grown up" and actually treat me a fair bit differently. It's actually a nice benefit that I am still getting used to. :)
I thought I had heard it all, but just last week one of my co-workers asked me "So, what is the difference between being in a serious relationship and being married? Why is it so great?"
UHH? Okay, I gave the lamest reasons. I think I said something about sharing the work load....
YEAH,ITWASTHATBAD.
Truth is, being married is so much better than having a slave to kill spiders for you. I am not sure if I could ever adequately express why being married is so great, but after some more thought, I think its time to attempt this question again. Without further ado, here are 6 (non-awkward) reasons why being married is better than dating.
1. God wants us to be married and create families.
Really, I shouldn't have to say anything more than that. Relationships in general are great and all, and they provide some nice opportunities. Committing yourself to a covenant marriage, now that's a whole different ball game. The glue that holds society together is the family. How wonderful it is to have the opportunity to build a marriage on the teachings of Jesus Christ, raise a family together, and grow. While I think marriage is all too often viewed as "the refiners fire", living and working with any companion gives you a great opportunity to see where your weaknesses lie, and also learn to sacrifice some things to help another person receive even greater joy. Love can do some pretty powerful things.
But let's be honest. That answer isn't going to satisfy many of the kids I talk to on a regular basis. So, random TDM employee, this is for you.
2. Teamwork.
I like to think of myself as a pretty smart individual. I can remember a fair bit, I get decent grades, and I can pick things up pretty quickly. Now multiply that times two. Being in a marriage means that you have full access to two, experienced, adult brains, ready to solve problems. I have been married almost two months, and already there have been countless times where I just cannot figure something out, and Derek is like "have you thought of...." "what about....". GENIUS. We don't always know all the answers, but we are starting to get things down.
Now, this isn't all just intellectual though. Sometimes it means that I come home from work, and after standing all day, I get a foot rub. Couldn't ask for better teamwork than that! Thanks honey! ;)
3. Start your lives together.
So many people put off marriage because they don't want to "settle down" while they are young. Excuse me?! We are just getting started! Together, we can create any life we want to! Why wait until all your creativity and spontaneity is gone to be like "okay, now I will introduce them to my life..."! That is so boring! Instead of going on adventures solo, we get to do it together! Having a partner in crime for your crazy antics is the best.
4. Work it out.
Lest we come off as the couple that never argues about anything and just laughs stuff off-- NOT ALWAYS TRUE. Getting upset with someone you love so much is probably one of the suckiest things ever. Unfortunately, it happens. When it does happen, though, Derek and I are both on board to find the best solution. We are both human, and we both make mistakes. At the end of the day, we work through things to get back to what we really love: each other.
5. Safety.
This is probably going in a different direction than you think. I mean, physically, its nice to have a man around to walk with you to the door or pick you up from work, but there is a lot more to it than just that. Derek makes me feel safe. I am not quite sure how it happens. It probably builds over time and I was too distracted to really notice it. But Derek has created a little world for me where no one gets by making me feel awful. It's not that he even confronts the person, but he certainly confronts the idea. Derek is my biggest protector. I have never felt safer to live my life and to go and pursue my dreams. I wish I could be better at doing the same thing for him. Lucky for both of us, its never to late to start trying :)
6. People finally take you seriously.
Let's just admit it, most people are going to break up with a couple people before they decide to tie the knot. Pretty much everyone views your relationship as a dispensable object unless you are over 25. This can be super frustrating when you finally find the person you want to marry. You know you REALLY love them, you have talked about marriage, you have started to work out logistics, and-- oh wait, you guys are still "just" dating. No matter what you pour into that relationship, you don't get any R-E-S-P-E-C-T without a R-I-N-G.
Not to mention, being married makes people think you are responsible and dependable. My boss was super excited to know that I was married. Even though I am a few years younger than a lot of the people I work with, my employers view me as more of a "grown up" and actually treat me a fair bit differently. It's actually a nice benefit that I am still getting used to. :)
_______________________________________
We love being married. We aren't marriage experts, but I don't think anyone really is. Life is crazy, but we are in it together. We spend most of our time laughing. A lot of the time laughing at each other. Life is great :)
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