Regrets From the Single Years

As my parents can attest, I have always been excited to get on to the next phase of life. I crave change and development, and I have always had the most difficulty accepting a LACK of change. Not only is it boring, but it makes me feel like I am not progressing. As I have tried to get better at it, I swing between wishing everything would change all of a sudden to wishing nothing would ever change and Derek and I could perpetually live as newlyweds forever and ever (which isn't that healthy either...I am aware of this).

Lest my eagerness seems without consequences, I present to you my regrets from the single years!

1. Girly Girly Girly. There is nothing like cozying up in a nice bright pink flower comforter. No joke. One of my biggest regrets of pre-married life was that I didn't make every piece of my decor just absolutely and undoubtedly feminine. And even though Derek insists he would be fine with it if I went femi-crazy on our decor, I know that A. His guy friends would make fun of him for it when they came over (because I guess having a boring bachelor pad and no one to share your bed with at night is more fun?!) or B. a constant feeling of guilt that I have surrounded my manly man with the pinkest of hues.

So single ladies, do me a favor, and go buy this bed spread:

Get everything from this Walmart ad:

And bask in the glory of your girly-a-fied space.

2. Being More Social. While I have always been a social butterfly, there were certainly people I avoided because I felt weird starting conversations if I didn't know them. It has been really hard for Derek and I to make any friends here, so I am really wishing I would have spent more of my time with others when I really had the chance. Here's to hoping that the next place we move to will be more friendly. But in the mean time, singles: go hang out and just be goofy. Meet new people and have fun.

3. Find something you love and embrace it completely, even if you suck. It wasn't until I got to college that I found that I actually loved fitness. And while sometimes I am more in-shape than others (like right now I am pretty much just in-shape for a doughnut competition) I still love the challenge and have fun running, doing stadium stairs, yoga, and hiking. Growing up I had seen people be so good sports, I felt like there was no way I could ever be good at something like that, so I never even tried. The same applies to art, writing, cooking, and getting an education. Try EVERYTHING. You may hate a lot of it, you may be bad at a lot of it, but you may also be surprised with how alive it makes you feel!

My First Marathon!

Inferno Challenge (a really hard workout...)

Junior Year: 180+ pages of writing

100% On my history final!

Derek and I painted this!

And I painted this!

I cooked my first turkey!!!

I graduated college...WITH HONORS! :D

You may be surprised where all this takes you...

Enjoy the life you are living! Go out and have fun! xoxo

Marriages are Permanent and Precious

Firstly, I hope you guys enjoy our recent blogger face-lift! I think this one will be better for mobile users, but let us know :)

I've been thinking a lot about marriage recently, given our recent anniversary as well as several recent couples' engagements. How strange is it that many of us (particularly within the LDS church) make the most important decision of our earthly life (and entire eternity) before we can legally drink, purchase a hotel room without getting the third degree, or rent a car without that huge fee.

Perhaps that juxtaposition comes from the fact that we are trying to take God's path in an a society touting an ever-extending period of adolescence. Yet it also suggests that God's plan was never for marriage to be the end-all-be-all of life on earth. In fact, marriage is the beginning. Marriage is the tree we plant that will bring forth all other experiences: careers, children, education, travel, and all the trials in between. While marriage and family life remains the highest of God's commandments and callings, it is the foundation of almost everything we will do in our lives.

How important it is, then, to choose a partner who will help us bring about good, help us experience joy, and help us experience completeness; being ever mindful that Satan has his counterfeit to each of these emotions. Although "all you need is love" is a cheery song to sing in the depths of newlywed poverty, it is always important to understand that the healthiest of marriages will always require more than love and affection. Humility, hard-work, mutual understanding, and a spiritual foundation keep marriages progressing.

Marriage should always be viewed as "permanent and precious". The greatest joys in this life are to be experienced hand-in-hand with another.

What We Learned about Life, Marriage, and Each Other in 365 Days

People always say that "the first year is the hardest"....I don't think there is any possible way that could actually be true, because we basically skipped effortlessly through each month of marriage. Some of our hardest moments were more about us getting used to each other emotionally, but we are both pretty forgiving people, and luckily neither of us has the energy or interest to hold any sort of grudge...so those moments were few and far between, especially after the second or third month. As a matter of fact, after celebrating our anniversary this weekend, I got to thinking "could I have learned anything in these last 12 months?"

After some reflection here are our lists of things we have learned about Life, Marriage, and Each Other.

Derek's List:
1. Anytime is chocolate time

2. Arianne has an eye for interior design and crafting

3. I've seen a much greater measure of Arianne's character. Arianne is consistently sacrificing her needs for others and always is looking to help others.

4. Foot rubs are almost next to chocolate in basic needs.

5. Life is not just to be enjoyed but to be shared with others.

6. My wife is an amazing cook.

7. Arianne is quickly forgiving.

8. An ounce of prevention in communication saves a pound of hurt

9. When we take time to budget finances, life is so much less stressful.

10. Change your tax status early.

11. A hug and a kiss can go a long way after a rough day.


Arianne's List (Naturally mine is much more loquacious. Roll with me here.):
1. Relying on the Lord's blessings is much easier than relying on your own strength and intelligence.

2. The Lord blesses us for the sacrifices we make.

3. Waking up on a Saturday morning next to my sweetheart will forever be the best thing on earth.

4. Derek is extremely thoughtful and introspective, while I am extremely spontaneous and busy. Sometimes it can be frustrating when we are both being stubborn, but when we let go a little and try to have thoughtful moments AND spontaneous moments, we both have a lot of fun.

5. Derek is the best person on the planet to go through anything with ever. Funny. Smart. Hardworking. Creative. This man is the bomb.

6. Derek is hardworking, grounded, and ambitious, while also being a big dreamer. I feel like it is so easy to get lost in that 9-5 ambition that we forget to dream about who we want to be, where we want to live, where we could visit, etc. With Derek, though, this mix is completely natural. He works hard for us all day but is never too exhausted to speculate on where life could take us.

7. Life is so much more fun when you allow yourself to believe that you are awesome!

8. Allow your spouse to pursue their ideas: I feel like I put the kibosh on a lot of Derek's ideas, and after a year of marriage I think that is one of my biggest regrets. Will I actually let him fill the basement of our future home with racks of servers? Probably not (sorry hunny), but I think it's important to let each other dream about things without crushing each other with reality. We have enough time for life to crush our dreams! hahah

9. Sometimes you just need a snuggle!

10. It is important to spend time alone: Personal development is just as important as an adult as it is when you are a teenager. As awesome as it is to spend 100% of your time with someone you love, it is equally important to devote some time to "center" yourself through spiritual study, prayer, and introspection....otherwise you don't have time to set goals or think about where you want to be in 5 or 10 years.


We've had so much fun this past year. Sending a huge thank you to all of our friends and family who made our wedding possible. We are grateful for your continued support throughout our marriage! Lots-a-love to you :)

Sometimes getting a B is worth it.

This has been an extremely busy few weeks for Derek and I. Between school and work, and my being sick, we have just been wiped out! Trying to get back on the blogging band-wagon.

A couple of days ago, I got an assignment back. I got an 80%. Pretty rare for me. A couple days later, I got a B on another assignment. At first, I got that horrible pit-in-your-stomach feeling. Eighty percents are not impressive. They do not go on the fridge. And honestly, they make me feel stupid.

And then I thought for a second:

These past few weeks...
I got to snuggle with my husband.
Spend time with our family.
Call my side of the family...several times (sorry if I annoyed you).
Watch a movie or two.
Laugh at funny jokes.
Fed the missionaries in a big family-dinner extravaganza.
And just spend time talking with Derek.

I guess I just had a good reminder that life is far more than school, and I am far more than a student. For the first time in weeks and weeks and weeks, I feel so darn happy and content and at peace with everything!

While I DO plan on working to get those grades back up, I am so grateful for my huge wake-up call.

As Elder Uchdorf said a few years ago, sometimes we focus too much on reaching our "Golden Ticket" or worthy goals, that we get lost! He says:

" The happiest people i know are not those who find their golden ticket, they are those who while in pursuit of worthy goals discover and treasure the beauty and sweetness of everyday moments. They are the ones who thread by daily thread, weave a tapestry of gratitude and wonder throughout their lives. These are they who are truly happy."

We only get one shot at this mortal existence. There is so much to do, to see, and to become! But getting that B was a great reminder to me that life is so much more than "doing", "seeing", and "becoming". Sometimes just being is the greatest thing we can do.

As life becomes less about the golden ticket, and more about the blessings we have that make this life BEAUTIFUL, that is where the magic happens :)

Breathe in. Breathe out. ENJOY TODAY! Happy weekend!

6 non-awkward reasons why being married is better than dating

Working at Taco Del Mar has been so much fun so far. I am getting the hang of things now, and really starting to get to know my co-workers (goodbye loneliness! ). I always do find it odd though, that they ask me so many questions about being married...like I am some sort of experiment or something? Hahaha.

I thought I had heard it all, but just last week one of my co-workers asked me "So, what is the difference between being in a serious relationship and being married? Why is it so great?"


UHH? Okay, I gave the lamest reasons. I think I said something about sharing the work load....

YEAH,ITWASTHATBAD.

Truth is, being married is so much better than having a slave to kill spiders for you. I am not sure if I could ever adequately express why being married is so great, but after some more thought, I think its time to attempt this question again. Without further ado, here are 6 (non-awkward) reasons why being married is better than dating.

1. God wants us to be married and create families.
Really, I shouldn't have to say anything more than that. Relationships in general are great and all, and they provide some nice opportunities. Committing yourself to a covenant marriage, now that's a whole different ball game. The glue that holds society together is the family. How wonderful it is to have the opportunity to build a marriage on the teachings of Jesus Christ, raise a family together, and grow. While I think marriage is all too often viewed as "the refiners fire", living and working with any companion gives you a great opportunity to see where your weaknesses lie, and also learn to sacrifice some things to help another person receive even greater joy. Love can do some pretty powerful things.

But let's be honest. That answer isn't going to satisfy many of the kids I talk to on a regular basis. So, random TDM employee, this is for you.

2. Teamwork.
I like to think of myself as a pretty smart individual. I can remember a fair bit, I get decent grades, and I can pick things up pretty quickly. Now multiply that times two. Being in a marriage means that you have full access to two, experienced, adult brains, ready to solve problems. I have been married almost two months, and already there have been countless times where I just cannot figure something out, and Derek is like "have you thought of...." "what about....". GENIUS. We don't always know all the answers, but we are starting to get things down.

Now, this isn't all just intellectual though. Sometimes it means that I come home from work, and after standing all day, I get a foot rub. Couldn't ask for better teamwork than that! Thanks honey! ;)

3. Start your lives together.
So many people put off marriage because they don't want to "settle down" while they are young. Excuse me?! We are just getting started! Together, we can create any life we want to! Why wait until all your creativity and spontaneity is gone to be like "okay, now I will introduce them to my life..."! That is so boring! Instead of going on adventures solo, we get to do it together! Having a partner in crime for your crazy antics is the best.

4. Work it out.
Lest we come off as the couple that never argues about anything and just laughs stuff off-- NOT ALWAYS TRUE. Getting upset with someone you love so much is probably one of the suckiest things ever. Unfortunately, it happens. When it does happen, though, Derek and I are both on board to find the best solution. We are both human, and we both make mistakes. At the end of the day, we work through things to get back to what we really love: each other.

5. Safety.
This is probably going in a different direction than you think. I mean, physically, its nice to have a man around to walk with you to the door or pick you up from work, but there is a lot more to it than just that. Derek makes me feel safe. I am not quite sure how it happens. It probably builds over time and I was too distracted to really notice it. But Derek has created a little world for me where no one gets by making me feel awful. It's not that he even confronts the person, but he certainly confronts the idea. Derek is my biggest protector. I have never felt safer to live my life and to go and pursue my dreams. I wish I could be better at doing the same thing for him. Lucky for both of us, its never to late to start trying :)

6. People finally take you seriously.
Let's just admit it, most people are going to break up with a couple people before they decide to tie the knot. Pretty much everyone views your relationship as a dispensable object unless you are over 25. This can be super frustrating when you finally find the person you want to marry. You know you REALLY love them, you have talked about marriage, you have started to work out logistics, and-- oh wait, you guys are still "just" dating. No matter what you pour into that relationship, you don't get any R-E-S-P-E-C-T without a R-I-N-G.

Not to mention, being married makes people think you are responsible and dependable. My boss was super excited to know that I was married. Even though I am a few years younger than a lot of the people I work with, my employers view me as more of a "grown up" and actually treat me a fair bit differently. It's actually a nice benefit that I am still getting used to. :)

_______________________________________

We love being married. We aren't marriage experts, but I don't think anyone really is. Life is crazy, but we are in it together. We spend most of our time laughing. A lot of the time laughing at each other. Life is great :)

A Month of Firsts

Well ladies and gentleman, Derek and I have been officially married for a little over a month now. Boy, how life has changed! This month we:

Took our first road trip as Mr. and Mrs. Askham:
A friend of mine recently got back from his awesome mission. The first week of August, we decided we would take the opportunity to go back to the West-Side (of Washington) before school started to be able to visit with him as well as see my family again! Everything had been so stressful around the wedding, it was great to be able to visit home again now that all of THAT was out of the way. I sure miss my family and my little pup-pup. Secretly Okay, not-so-secretly, I want a little puppy of my own to love and cuddle in all my moments of loneliness. I had a dream that I got a hedgehog and I loved it with everything I had. Awww.

Anyways, it was a great trip. On the way, Derek and I even saw this beautiful sunset!

Celebrated Derek's first birthday as a married man:

The Birthday Breakfast I made for him!

The big 2-3! Derek woke up that morning all depressed because of how old he was. Personally, I think he is doing pretty good for 23. Has a nice apartment, a nice job, and a really cute wife ;) We had a great little party, including a nice night out with the family. I even made a cake (but the pictures are still on Derek's phone, so you will just have to trust me).

I got a new job at Taco Del Mar:
And what a H-U-G-E blessing it has been. Everyone is very nice, I have been given a lot of hours (which is bittersweet, but really nice in general), and I can't complain about the free food! Their mondo burritos (20ounces...thats OVER a pound!) make an awesome...and free...dinner for Derek and I to split. In a college town with 20k other students, I view this job as a huge miracle. God definitely answers prayers!

We began our first semester at school since being married:
Derek is really hittin' the books with his Calculus, Accounting, History, Econ, and Spanish classes. And I am just finishing up my last year at WSU with Teaching and Learning classes, and then Econ 430, History Seminar 469, and History Teaching Seminar 480.

Everyone told us that it would be much harder to go to school once we are married, but I haven't found that to be the case at all! So far, Derek and I are both doing really well. I feel like its a little easier to focus on homework when I know that Derek will always be there, instead of staying with him until midnight and writing a five page paper when I got home, and then getting two hours of sleep. Not that that ever happened. :)

We celebrated our 1-month anniversary:
This happened to fall on the first day of school. I was kinda sad, because Derek works 8-12pm everyday, and then has classes until 4pm. I go to school 9-1pm MWF, and I typically work at 4 and I don't get home until 10:30. Do you realize what that means?! I go like 14 hours without seeing him all the time. It's a little depressing.

Little did I know, while I was busy working, Derek set up a cute little indoor picnic for us. He even baked a mini cake for us! He is so sweet, I love him!

Gave our first talks in the married ward:
Okay, this was actually really funny. Our bishop asked us to speak about marriage. I introduced us, and began by saying "We had been married 5 weeks now....The third week was a little rough, but we persevered and pulled through it. Now that we are experts on marriage, the bishop asked us to come and speak to share with all of you how we have managed to learn everything about marriage and be so successful." It was a crowd favorite.

We really did have a lot of fun. My favorite part about it was that afterwards, so many people came up to us wanting to get to know us. Up until that point, Derek and I really didn't have many friends in the ward. So I was really grateful for the opportunity to share a little about ourselves and make friends in the process.

Derek started his first business:

D.A. Tech Repair is now Pullman's newest business! I am not sure if Derek was aware he was living with a wannabe marketing/graphic design specialist. So far we have made a pretty good team. Derek get's frustrated because I don't understand the tech side of it, and I get frustrated because he doesn't seem to understand the layman's terms side of business. So I guess you could say we have a pretty typical working relationship :P

Really though, Derek is so so smart, and we are already getting his name out there. I wish I wasn't so busy so I could devote more time to local marketing. Even without it, Derek has done so good. I have already had some people in the community ask me if Derek could give basic tech lessons for businesses and business owners, which he is really excited for. Especially because these people offer a bit more money than college students ;)

Speaking of money, Derek also had his first self-employed pay day! Way to go babe!

And Derek started our first fire in our toaster oven:
Boy, we were laughing so hard.

Above is a picture of our beautiful toaster oven (sans fire). Derek was toasting some sandwich bread a little too long, and smoke began pouring out of our toaster oven. We got out the bread and derek threw open the apartment door and started frantically fanning smoke out with a towel. I was trying to take the moment seriously but it was just so funny I couldn't stop laughing at it.

Luckily for us, the only thing damaged was some toast :)


Thanks for reading!

Viva Las Vegas

Our wedding day was absolutely a dream come true. I have so much I want to share, but while we are waiting on some digital copies of the pictures, I thought I could kick this blog off with Derek's and my very first adventure together: our honeymoon in Las Vegas!

Arriving at the Bellagio

Our Room Keys

I was excited to see our room, but I just had to take a quick peek of the pool area. I was not disappointed! This is BEAUTIFUL!

The indoor garden and greenhouse. I learned later that each month or so, they change the decorations. Here it is decorated for July, complete with American flags, and all sorts of summery birds flyin' around.

The whole time I was walking through this place, I just thought "are you kidding me?!" Glass ceilings, chandeliers,  beautiful windows, and intricate molding. Absolutely gorgeous.

And here is our cute room! Is it weird to have a picture of it? I don't know. But I thought it was absolutely beautiful and I would love a headboard like that in my house.

Suckahs

 By the time we got settled in and decided to go out and get some food, it was already about 9pm. Lucky for us, Vegas stays up all night! Looking for a big, delicious meal, we found ourselves at Margaritaville (by the Flamingo). Best burger I have ever had. In my life. It was a turkey guacamole thing with an onion ring on top. Just what my starving belly, (which had been the victim of a 10-pound pre-wedding weight drop) needed!

Aren't the neon lights cool?!

And you HAVE to order a margarita in margartaville...Mmm

 After dinner, we made our way back up to the Bellagio, taking in all of the fun city life. I had heard so many warnings about how awful all the pornography type stuff is (and there was some of that, don't get me wrong) but it really wasn't at all as bad as I was expecting. I probably saw like 10 cards on the ground the whole time I was there...but maybe I was just too busy looking all newlywed-eyed at my husband to notice ;)

Across the street from the Bellagio is where the Paris hotel is, along with various fast-food (Panda Express) and a Walgreens (AKA, where Derek got his Snickers fix)

The next morning, Derek and I decided to get out and about. The weather, despite disheartening weather reports, was actually PERFECT when we were there. Sun was out, few clouds, 100* outside, and wonderful A/C inside :P We had a great time swimming and on the strip, popping into shops whenever it got too hot!

It's only 10 am and we are ready for the pool! Do you see those cool plant archways? They go all the way down the paths near the pools. Super pretty!

A little R+R by one of the pools!

Who doesn't need a cool glass of water after some hot-tubbing?

After our time at the pool, it was time to get out there and enjoy the strip!

Yummy Nutella crepes at Jean Phillips inside the Bellagio

Best. Chocolate Place. Ever.
They even have the worlds largest chocolate fountain (AKA, chocolate pouring from the ceiling). My advice to Vegas visitors: Go there. The food actually is reasonably priced as far as deliciousness goes, and the chocolate situation is just the best. 

Taking a picture outside the Venetian

 We made our way down the strip (what was supposedly a 15 minute walk...uhhhh?) to a well worth it, authentic, whole-in-the-wall taco place. I read that this was one of Vegas' "best kept secrets". It certainly wasn't by the time we got there. We waited an hour or so in a hot little kitchen just to ORDER! It gave Derek plenty of time to chat with the spanish-speaking locals (who all insisted that he needs to fatten me up) and me time to rehearse our order over and over again so I could say it in Spanish. It was so much fun! Tacos El Gordo and Margaritaville. All you need to survive in Vegas.

Me pretending to eat a taco so I look dainty in the picture.

Derek actually eating a taco because he is too hungry to care about pictures.

 We ordered 6 beef tacos and one other beef taco with cactus on it. I had never had cactus before, but I certainly miss it now! Soooooo goood cooked up and plopped on top of juicy meat, tomatoes, and guacamole!

Making our way back to the Bellagio, we stopped for another picture outside another fancy fountain. We didn't quite manage to scoot our drinks all the way out of the picture, but its the thought that counts. 

Sunshine and Smiles 

By the time we got back to the hotel, our taco lunch had become more of a taco dinner. We ended up just going to bed...until about 4 am when Derek and I woke up STARVING OUR GUTS OUT. We called room service. It was PERFECTLY delicious. Biggest bowl of oatmeal ever :)

For real, even the butter is fancy.

The next day, we spent a lot of time just relaxing. All the vacationing had tired us out! We turned up the A/C, turned on the huge flat screen TV, and toasted the day with some icy coke. Caffeine included. My dad commented that it was "Newlyweds gone wild- the LDS version"hahaha true story bro. 

After our day of relaxation, we had a busy night getting a taxi to the Rio for Penn and Teller, and then visiting the Cosmopolitan (the Bellagio's next door neighbor!)

Me with Penn! He even signed my ticket!

Derek in front of the kaliedascope screens at the Cosmo

Three story chandelier! When I am rich, I want one in my house :)

Up in the lounge!

The next day was kind of a sad one...the day we had to leave Vegas! My sweetheart insisted that we order room service again (...darn, do we have to? :PP) and then we packed up to leave for the airport...with one classic pitstop...

Delish!

Hopefully I will be back someday! 

On our way home, flying over the PNW

We had the time of our lives! Vegas was so much fun, and was certainly a great way to kick off our marriage together. I have heard people say that they wish they hadn't taken a honeymoon or telling other people not to go on one and to that I say...WHAT?! My advice is to choose (or in my case, have a wise fiance that chooses...) an affordable, but fun vacation spot. We were seriously treated like royalty, got to see all sorts of new things, and enjoyed nice warm weather, all without going too far from home base. So for heaven sakes, go on a honeymoon.

A big thank you to Derek for giving me the best week of my whole life. And a big thanks to you for following us as we begin our new lives together!

xoxo