Substitute Survival Guide

Since I last updated:

• I have completed my student teaching, received my degree and teaching certificate, suffered unemployment anxiety, and I am currently working as a substitute in one of the local school districts
• Derek has completed his semester with flying colors, started a new job as an intern at Schweitzer, and began his new semester at WSU
• We have celebrated another wonderful Christmas together, visited my family for a couple weeks after Christmas, pulled off a wonderful (and quick!) wedding for Derek's brother and sister-in-law, repainted several pieces of furniture :)

This past week has really been a blur, and in the midst of it all, I have officially started my work within a local school district as a substitute teacher! While I had already subbed in the middle school I was student teaching, subbing in all of these different schools and age groups has been a HUGE learning experience. 

When I walked into my first official sub job at an elementary school, I was feeling super confident. After all, I had already been subbing for a few weeks in other classrooms as an intern....little did I know the little version of heck that awaited me. Within about half an hour, I had lost all of my confidence. I was embarrassed that my kids were loud, that they were out of their seats, and that they were THROWING THINGS?! WTFRK!? Everything I knew about classroom management and relationship building in the classroom was out the window. When a fellow teacher stopped in during lunch to see how I was doing, we chatted for a bit and then she asked "So, how do you think it's going?"

 I remember thinking if I should answer this question dishonestly and say everything was going fine... but then I remembered what another teacher had told me "There is no room for pride as a new teacher." So after a little bit of silence I smiled and said "I just cannot get them to do ANYTHING! They won't stop talking, they won't sit down, they won't pay attention! I have no idea what to do!"

She laughed at me while I explained all of this and said "This is why I am too old to sub. You are young and have lots of energy, just hang in there."


So I hung right in there. Then I started to have a little fun. I looked at what I was doing as an experiment instead of a perfect science. I wrote down things that might help me in the future. And I complained on social media. Then, the day was done and I got to go home with a wad of money in my pocket (or my bank account?).

After a few days of this I have already learned some awesome things that have enabled me to have a good time. Just in case any of you are interested, I thought I would list them here:

1. Accept that a classroom with a substitute will not be as productive as a normal class day. That very first 5th grade math class I walked into (the one I described above as being a hellish nightmare) was set up for failure from the very beginning, because I pushed for and expected productivity, when I should have promoted a smooth and organized class. I needed to accept that the lesson our teacher had planned was just too long, and the kids too rowdy to get through. Instead of rushing the kids and causing all sorts of complains (and rebellion!), I should have paid attention to the natural pace of the class. 
2. Bring Pencils. The most frequent request I have in almost every class so far is for a pencil. In my own class, I felt like my 13 year olds needed to be self-sufficient in that respect, and I brought that attitude with me as a sub. BIG MISTAKE. These kids don't know me, and are looking to take advantage of any "down" time I give them. If I ask them to ask their peers to borrow a pencil, it will take ten minutes and a LOT of heartache. Now, I have awesome NEON pencils ready, enough for a whole classroom to borrow if need be. It eliminates the time it takes for students to get situated, removes their excuse that they can't do their work, and the neon color makes them easy to spot so I can get them back at the end of the class.
3. For grades K-5, have a simple reward. Every kid on earth wants to be bribed to do a simple something. In a normal teaching environment, if all else fails, you can bribe not with a physical reward, but with something really sappy: respect. As in, "I've noticed that this assignment isn't super interesting to you, but I believe it will help you in the future. Will you do it? For me?" And guess what, that sappy stuff almost always works. BUT as a sub? Not a chance. They don't know me, and some of them don't care to. So instead I have bought a huge pack of stickers. Kids who are on task get a sticker. Suddenly, every kid is on task! Paying $3 for 2000 stickers is certainly worth it to keep my sanity. 
4. Get to know the SECRETARY. The secretary is your gateway to money and friendship. If she hears that someone is sick, she will be the one that calls! So I have learned to ALWAYS return my secretary's calls (even if I can't work the job), and say hello and goodbye to her when I am entering or leaving the school. And guess what, yesterday she left a message that said "Hey cutie! I just had a teacher leave sick, would you come in? I will even pay you for the full day!" Boom!
5. Memorize some filler activities/games. In a normal classroom if there is a little wiggle room after the lesson is over, you might just allow your students to complete an assignment or chat amongst themselves for 5 minutes. As a sub, I have found that this is the WORST idea. I have memorized some dorky little games like "do as I do, not as I say", "The ABC game", "heads up seven up" and other little time fillers. Even the older kids think its fun and it keeps the kids from running around like chickens with their heads cut off.
6. Create a list of things you WISH you had for students to do during free time. "I wish I brought my US State Capitals Flashcards" I thought as I subbed Social Studies yesterday. Just another thing to throw in my sub bag!
7. Radiate love and happiness. I had once heard that, as a sub, you shouldn't try to be liked at all. You should be firm, consistent, and sternly manage the classroom. While I think part of this is true, I just cannot bear to act like these kids do not matter or plan to make NO personal connection with them. While clear consistency should be established, I want both students and staff to feel like I am warm, approachable, and caring. When I recently subbed as a PE teacher for an elementary school, one third grade class walked in the door and they all shouted in their little voices "You look like you are really nice!" and came up and hugged me. I want to be the teacher these little ones think I am! They deserve to come to have a "nice", fair, and caring teacher.
8. Find ways to be true to who you are. Another piece of advice I have heard before was to use whatever discipline techniques the regular teacher uses. While I always stick to school policy, it's the little things that seem more difficult. I have found myself more out-of-sync with the discipline style of male teachers... I think it has more to do with the fact that while they think their techniques are just normal classroom management, their booming voices and larger frames throw intimidation into the mix. I don't believe that I, especially given the point made just above, will ever really intimidate a student. Instead I have chosen to give trouble students a chance to "cool off" (6-12 grade terminology) or "go to time out" (K-5) away from their peers. This usually isolates the problem, but I am still learning here too.
9. Let it go. Enjoy each moment, look for the humor in the absurd, and just LET IT GO!

Finding Our Callings

Excuse the lack of posts these past couple months, the Askham family has been "enjoying" several changes that have come our way recently!

After driving a 15 year-old-plus car as our ONLY car for about 5 months,  and saving and budgeting every penny carefully, Derek and I were finally able to move up in car!

For me, a 2004 Suzuki Aerio

And for Derek, a sporty little 2001 Mercury Cougar

This has been such a huge blessing for us. For my student teaching, I have to drive about 70 miles a day, so it is awesome to have a reliable car that I feel safe in during my commute. And for Derek, he finally has some wheels that are ALMOST as cool as he is :) With our new car purchases, we had to say goodbye to an old friend, my blue Pontiac Sunfire. My Dad was kind enough to sell it on Craigslist for us after we left the area, and it went to a good home! All in all, we came in under budget and we are both really proud of ourselves for the long hours we worked to get here!



This semester has already proved to be a busy one, as both Derek and I work to tie any loose ends on our degrees. Currently I am student teaching in a small middle school about an hour away from the University. It has been a challenge in many respects, but ironically, teaching has been the EASIEST part. The most stressful aspect has really been building relationships with so many people that are going to be the gatekeepers to my career! Sometimes I feel inadequate, but I am trying to remember I am just beginning a career. I have plenty of time to improve!

Derek still has a little over a year left on his degree, but he is also working hard on securing an internship for the Summer. In so doing, he keeps pretty busy studying, working on resumes, attending school, and also being our soul breadwinner for the semester. He is just rockin' it! Typically, we wake up around 6 am, we leave for school and work, we get home between 5 or 6, we eat, Derek goes to meetings or studies and I work on lesson plans, and by the time 9:30 rolls around, we head to bed. It seems like an impossible life, but Derek and I have both felt energetic and motivated, sustained by power we know must be from God.




Adding to our fun changes has been my recent call to be second counselor in our ward's Relief Society! I was really shocked (I even asked the new RS president when I first met her if she was sure she meant ME. She said she was! haha) but now that it is starting to sink in a little, I feel great peace in knowing that "Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them." The ladies I get to work with are just SO awesome. We are still working to get things running smoothly, but I have no doubt that we will be able to unify and be a great power for good in our ward and community. 


As I have reflected on all of these changes as well as my emotions, I was surprised to find that I feel more motivated, enthusiastic, and energetic than before. While there are so many wonderful things going on that I feel I can attribute this too, "finding my calling" kept coming to mind. Though I know there will be stressful days ahead, I feel that we come alive when we are doing what God has called us to do. Whether its working hard with a spouse to get in control of finances, educating ourselves, serving in our church or community capacities, or following a lifetime's worth of promptings as we start new careers, I believe God blesses us for those efforts. He says, “Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” While often times we hear this scripture and think to "come to Him" through prayer and sacrifice, I am finding that we "come to Him" much faster on our feet serving than we do on our knees (which is good because if I get down on my knees to say a prayer I will probably fall asleep!). 

I am really excited to be able to see these blessings in my life and I am thrilled to serve others and build some character :)

In conclusion, I thought I would share a little message! Over a year ago, I had a professor tell us to write little notes to ourselves in the future. I don't actually remember too much about writing it, but I remember I wanted it to be something encouraging to read when I started student teaching. This week, I got my little letter in the mail and it made me so happy! Although I directed it to myself at the time, I feel it is something that can apply to all of us in some respect. I am posting a small excerpt below...So read, and enjoy!

        "...The best example of teaching I will ever have is Christ. His love, patience, and encouragement is the way to help others. You may be working furiously on your edTPA right now, but remember there is always more to life than paperwork. Having the example is the key! 
        There is a deeper purpose than a grade, a certification, or a job. The greatest thing I will ever do in life will be my opportunity to bring beautiful children into this world with my husband. Second to that only, is to help raise other children. With the latter, my goal goes beyond content or standards or state testing. My goal is to bring light and love into the world. Never be afraid to show love. Even if some are failing in content, through love they will know that they are not failing this life. Love, patience, and encouragement always.
         You are blessed more than you know....You can do anything. So go and TEACH!"

What We Learned about Life, Marriage, and Each Other in 365 Days

People always say that "the first year is the hardest"....I don't think there is any possible way that could actually be true, because we basically skipped effortlessly through each month of marriage. Some of our hardest moments were more about us getting used to each other emotionally, but we are both pretty forgiving people, and luckily neither of us has the energy or interest to hold any sort of grudge...so those moments were few and far between, especially after the second or third month. As a matter of fact, after celebrating our anniversary this weekend, I got to thinking "could I have learned anything in these last 12 months?"

After some reflection here are our lists of things we have learned about Life, Marriage, and Each Other.

Derek's List:
1. Anytime is chocolate time

2. Arianne has an eye for interior design and crafting

3. I've seen a much greater measure of Arianne's character. Arianne is consistently sacrificing her needs for others and always is looking to help others.

4. Foot rubs are almost next to chocolate in basic needs.

5. Life is not just to be enjoyed but to be shared with others.

6. My wife is an amazing cook.

7. Arianne is quickly forgiving.

8. An ounce of prevention in communication saves a pound of hurt

9. When we take time to budget finances, life is so much less stressful.

10. Change your tax status early.

11. A hug and a kiss can go a long way after a rough day.


Arianne's List (Naturally mine is much more loquacious. Roll with me here.):
1. Relying on the Lord's blessings is much easier than relying on your own strength and intelligence.

2. The Lord blesses us for the sacrifices we make.

3. Waking up on a Saturday morning next to my sweetheart will forever be the best thing on earth.

4. Derek is extremely thoughtful and introspective, while I am extremely spontaneous and busy. Sometimes it can be frustrating when we are both being stubborn, but when we let go a little and try to have thoughtful moments AND spontaneous moments, we both have a lot of fun.

5. Derek is the best person on the planet to go through anything with ever. Funny. Smart. Hardworking. Creative. This man is the bomb.

6. Derek is hardworking, grounded, and ambitious, while also being a big dreamer. I feel like it is so easy to get lost in that 9-5 ambition that we forget to dream about who we want to be, where we want to live, where we could visit, etc. With Derek, though, this mix is completely natural. He works hard for us all day but is never too exhausted to speculate on where life could take us.

7. Life is so much more fun when you allow yourself to believe that you are awesome!

8. Allow your spouse to pursue their ideas: I feel like I put the kibosh on a lot of Derek's ideas, and after a year of marriage I think that is one of my biggest regrets. Will I actually let him fill the basement of our future home with racks of servers? Probably not (sorry hunny), but I think it's important to let each other dream about things without crushing each other with reality. We have enough time for life to crush our dreams! hahah

9. Sometimes you just need a snuggle!

10. It is important to spend time alone: Personal development is just as important as an adult as it is when you are a teenager. As awesome as it is to spend 100% of your time with someone you love, it is equally important to devote some time to "center" yourself through spiritual study, prayer, and introspection....otherwise you don't have time to set goals or think about where you want to be in 5 or 10 years.


We've had so much fun this past year. Sending a huge thank you to all of our friends and family who made our wedding possible. We are grateful for your continued support throughout our marriage! Lots-a-love to you :)

Sugar, Spice, and Everything Nice

It has been a couple weeks months since I last wrote. Despite my desire to keep a record of our life together, I just have had trouble making it a priority when I have so much going on! So here's a little update for you all!

The Sugar:
-Derek got a new job (in addition to his current job) as an IT manager for some condos here in Pullman. He is such a hard worker and is looking forward to his first day!

-Derek and I paid off our first student loan: 4,371.46 dollars! We are so excited! We are doing the Dave Ramsey plan and we are loving it. Technically, the plan calls for us to pay off our smallest loan first, but we both felt very impressed that this was the one we needed to get rid of. Not only did it have the worst interest rate, it was our largest, and it was also the only one my Dad had cosigned on. I have some more ideas about the loan, but I figured I would save those for another post so we could all get on with our lives ;)

-Honor Cords, Caps, and Gowns OH MY! I graduate in 22 days! Hard to believe that in just 3 weeks I will be walking at my college graduation! Those years go by so fast. They weren't always fun but I did make an effort to work really hard. I have student teaching in the fall at a local middle school, and then I am all certified to begin teaching and substituting! I am graduating with a 3.68 Cum Laude honors, in addition to my Outstanding Senior Award from the history department and my Phi Beta Kappa honor cords. So weird to think this part of my life will soon be over (but at the same time I am so grateful it will be! It's can be really hard!!!)

-We have a nephew!!! Or more importantly, my wonderful sister Hillary and her husband Nick had a beautiful, healthy baby boy. On April 14, 2014, Daniel Pulsipher Steckler came in to the world at 7lbs 3oz, and 19 1/4 inches long. His mommy says that he is "very strong, alert, and loves to check out his surroundings wherever he goes." We are very excited to meet the little guy, but unfortunately we may not be able to for a little bit. For right now, we are enjoying looking at pictures of our sweet little baby.

The Spice:

-A little low on the Vitamin D. Always a rough world for me, particularly in the winter. I hate feeling agitated, tired and depressed, but when my Vit D is low, that's pretty much all I feel. I had a really bad week in early April, but I have been doing fairly well since I increased my Vit. D. dosage. So far I have only had one other rough spot. I hate thinking this is something I will live with for the rest of my life, but I am encouraged by the fact that soon I won't have to live in Pullman. Or Washington for that matter. I always enjoyed sunny days, but I have a greater appreciation for them now more than ever! My dream would be to move to southern Utah or Nevada to get some much needed sunshine. The summer here will do me good, but I am in need of sunshine 365 days of the year! :)

-Saying goodbye to an old friend. In March, we said farewell to our old friend, the Jeep. Derek had inherited a 1994 Jeep Grand Cherokee from his father. We had so many great memories in that car and it was so hard to say goodbye! Unfortunately, there were a lot of issues with the car and repairs to be made so it was smarter financially to sell it at a decent price to someone who thought it was worth all of that! Initially we were going to buy Derek a newer car almost immediately, but sharing a car wasn't at all as hard as we thought. We decided to put a majority of that money towards the loan and continue to save. We are planning on getting another car in July.

Everything Nice:

-Love my husband even more! Saturday is our 9 month anniversary! I can't believe this year is going by so quickly! We just have so much fun together. It was actually pretty exciting because these past few weeks we have made our first BIG decisions together. Selling the car, and paying off the loan. As fun as it is to reach my own goals, it is a million times more fun to work together with someone else I love so much. Making those decisions together has actually given me a lot more confidence to make more big decisions together over the years. Everyone says that the first year of marriage is the hardest, but I don't think there is any way I could possibly agree with that. Derek and I have been blessed beyond belief and we just have a blast together! He is my everything!


Thanks for reading!