The Big 2-4 and our March Update

Quick Family Update:

• Derek has been working so hard at his new job and is really enjoying it so far! 
• I have been hard at work preparing "every needful [and not so needful] thing" for the baby. I am 32 weeks and 4 days TODAY!
• Nursery is coming together... stay tuned for the reveal!
• Derek has been having a lot of GI tract issues recently, so please continue to keep him in your prayers. I think the change of environment, the stress of our growing family, and working 10 hour days at a desk job has really caused some problems for him, but it is making him quite anxious. Poor guy. 
• Derek and I have callings in our new ward! I am the assistant secretary in the Relief Society and Derek is the first counselor in the Sunday School presidency. We were also asked to give talks this Sunday on the atonement. I am pretty excited!
• Derek leaves on his very first business trip soon. To me it all sounds pretty exciting, but he says he would rather be here with me. Isn't that sweet?

Yesterday was the big day- my first appointments at OU Children's Hospital in OKC. I have honestly been dreading this appointment since it was scheduled. Not only was my last appointment one of the worst of my life, I was also not looking forward to a potential heartbreak on my birthday. Yesterday I could barely eat and had such trouble going to sleep because I was so anxious! When I finally did fall asleep I had a horrible dream that the ultrasound showed that the baby's defect was much worse than we thought and that he wouldn't be able to live past birth. As I finally started to realize it was all just a dream, I was both relieved that I got a second chance at the ultrasound as well as terrified that what I might have dreamt was a premonition of what was to come!

I laid awake for about two hours and got up as Derek was getting ready for work. Despite my fears, when my feet hit the floor this morning the words from Elder Busche's talk came to mind -- "Embrace each day with an enthusiastic welcome, no matter how it looks." I decided from that moment that I was going to make this day awesome! I curled my hair, put on some mascara and I was feeling great and ready to go! At this point, I left our master bedroom only to see that my husband had beautifully decorated for my birthday! Cute banners, crepe paper, cake... the whole nine yards. I know he has been so tired working long days recently too, so his sacrifice to make me feel special was even more meaningful. He is my perfect companion.

6 am photo shoot. Derek's decorations look so so cute! He knows what the ladies want.

Derek got in an hour or so at work and then met me at OU for the ultrasound. I don't know why I was so hesitant about transferring over there, this place is like a luxury hotel and everyone is so kind! Our ultrasound technician was super sweet and happily humored us with all of the fun details parents love: pictures of the toes, hands, face (although baby was head down so no 3-D images this time)... she could even see hair in his head! Incredible. Of course we also saw the lesion, which is always a bit of a downer, but even in the sad moments there was just an overwhelming feeling of peace that this was the best place for him to be born and that we would get it all taken care of. For other SB parents who might someday find this and want to compare stories and others who are interested, our son's lesion is like a cystic bubble that measures approximately 6cm in diameter. By Spina Bifida standards, this is really quite large. Thankfully, the size of the protruding defect itself doesn't have any correlation with function, so judging by the location (sacral, believed to be somewhere between S2-S5) as well as how closed his spine really is (no sign of scoliosis and definitely a very small opening in the spine rather than a large gap) he has a great prognosis.

This is the Children's hospital where our little one will be born. It is the biggest hospital I have ever been in. 

This is what it looks like on the inside. Lots of comfy sectionals for families to hang out, a cafe on the next floor, and a cool rainbow bubble wall. My appointments yesterday were on the floor below this one.

Here is a picture of the world's cutest baby. I always thought moms just said that about there babies, but I legitimately think he is the cutest baby ever. In this picture he is in the head-down position (upside-down). His luscious lips are on the top left of his face, then a little button nose, and we see his right eye (the left side of his face is in shadow). He also has his little hand up against his chin. He already has so much character and was making cute faces, sticking his tongue out, opening and shutting his hands, and scratching an itch on his chin. 

We also found out that, though he does have increased swelling in the left ventricles from last time, his numbers are actually completely normal on his right side. The perinatologist explained that this had been the case in all of my ultrasounds (although, no one had ever mentioned that before). Unlike my last perinatologist who explained that "everything will just get worse," our doctor explained that at levels like 1.8 cm (1 and under being normal) on the left side, a shunt might not even be necessary. It is still considered enlarged, but apparently it's NOT as bad as we might expect. As far as not getting a shunt, I am taking that with a grain of salt of course, but how nice to have a little hope! In all other ways, our 32 week baby is looking very healthy at approximately 4.5 pounds. His last height measurement was about 17 inches long, but now he is too balled up to get a good estimate on his size. He is moving a lot (including clenching his little toes....THAT MEANS HE CAN FEEL THEM, PEOPLE) and we have a lot of hope for a positive future.

After our ultrasound, I went to meet with my OB (and consequently, a lot of other really smart people who are apart of my team now). She has worked with several spina bifida moms and seemed to know her stuff. She was very kind to me, and I could really see she was making an effort to phrase her words carefully to give me realistic hope about what's to come. One of the major things we discussed today was my birthing options. Both she and other specialists really believe a c-section will be better for baby. The main concerns include my first labor/delivery experience being a total wild card (who knows how awesome I am at having a baby until I do it, right?), possible rupturing and subsequent infection of the lesion on his spine after a vaginal delivery, and the research from 1990 that found that children delivered via c-section perform better than those who do not. I am going to be honest, I hadn't thought a lot about the first two points before our discussion, but I really don't feel super inclined toward a c-section because of a study done in an age when most cases of spina bifida weren't even diagnosed until after birth, which makes a huge difference in how the hospital is prepared for the situation and what surgeons perform the repair. Because of my own beliefs as well as my inclination toward a vaginal delivery, I spent a great deal of time in a "discussion" with these doctors about what really was best. They were really sweet and said that I was awesome for even caring. They also realized it wasn't what I wanted, so they really encouraged me to make my final decisions with the baby's surgeons. I absolutely love everyone I have met and I love that they take the time to discuss their research with me and treat me as a human capable of making smart decisions. Multiple times they encouraged me to just think of this place as "home"....and it's not hard to do! It seems weird, but that hospital has an amazing spirit. These doctors have been given the gift of healing Christ's little ones just as Jesus would if he was on earth today.

Got my flu vaccine and t-dap. Anything for da babaye. It won't really be flu season by the time the baby arrives so Idk how relevant that will be, but I did think that even 60% effectiveness was worth a shot (literally). The t-dap (whooping cough) though is super important. Is it a crazy new mom thing to ask that people who plan on visiting the baby while he is recovering all have their tdap? I just think his little body will be working so hard to recover that I'd hate for him to get exposed to whooping cough on top of it! But if that really seems crazy just lie to me and tell me you went and got it.

In other baby news, my doctors also said that it will be better to schedule an early delivery, around 39 weeks, to try to avoid anything going on unplanned. I will also be meeting with the OU physicians every week to keep an eye on my labor as well as baby's growth. I can't believe that we are looking at about 6 weeks now until he makes his arrival!

I filled the rest of the day with fun and wonderful things. Talked to some family members, sneaked some remnants of cake that Derek leveled off to stack the layers, watched some HGTV, took a wonderful nap, went to a few minutes of a Relief Society activity, and then met up with Derek for our fun celebration! We got gyros for dinner, opened presents (including a fancy sewing machine that I have been eyeing for months...baby crafts await!), and finished the day off with some cake and cuddles. It was just a WONDERFUL birthday!

Oklahoma gets a bad wrap, but I absolutely love it here. I saw this sunset on my way to church today and I had to take a picture!

Grandma Warner made this amazing little hoodie for Baby Askham. The stitch is tons of little tiny loops so it looks like a lamb! I can tell it took hours of careful work and cannot wait to get the little one in it. His great grandma spoils all of us!!!

Blowing out all 24 candles! Almost started a fire! ;)

Both Derek and I love funfetti cake. It tastes delish AND looks so happy. After we are our slices, the baby was so excited and jumped all around. Derek says "He really IS my son!" Hahaha!

After today, I am feeling really positive and excited. As I was eating lunch, I caught myself thinking of how grateful I am for this pefect baby and that I love him just the way he is. I guess normally those sorts of thoughts wouldn't be a big deal, but for me it was the first time I legitimately felt complete peace about our situation and could just bask in the love I have for this little guy. I don't think I will ever love this struggle or the challenges it causes for my son, but I love him so completely that the way I see his birth defect has really changed. He is my little boy, and I love every bit of him. I can't imagine my world without him in it, and I wouldn't take anything back. We prayed so hard for this baby to come to earth, and I am so glad we are pregnant with him. After receiving the diagnosis, I remember feeling like I would be somehow less of a mom and that my "mom" life would never be like everyone else's. In my moment of clarity today I really saw how wrong that thought was. Our child needs a mother, and it is an honor that he somehow thought I was capable for the job. Little baby Askham, we love you and are so excited to meet you!

An important infographic.

Thanks for all the awesome birthday wishes! Sending an added measure of peace and love to each of you as you strive to meet your daily challenges.